On my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told her that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my wife was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured her I had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!" I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!

That was also my most embarrassing moment during a test in the 6th grade!  


I stole this from BikeBandit.
https://www.facebook.com/bikebanditcom/photos/a.10150177181025188.427124.1015...

I've undertaken a full review of my home security system and decided to cut costs by tearing out my alarm system, monitoring, and even de-registered from Neighbourhood Watch.

I've now got two Pakistani flags raised in my front garden, one in each corner and a black flag of ISIL in the centre.

The local police and other intelligence services are watching my house 24/7.

I've never felt safer

Ride Plan.

NASA

NASA shoots rockets off to the moon, and beyond.

In order to ferry the rocket to the launch pad, NASA loads it on huge, custom-built railroad cars... which, themselves, are not custom-built
but manufactured in a dedicated plant and then "rolled" to Cape Canaveral... which means they must have the standard US Railroad gauge of 4'8.5".

That's four feet, enight and one half inches.

BUT...

Why is the standard US Railroad gauge 8'4.5" ?

That's an exceedingly odd number.
Why was that gauge used?
Because that's the way they built them in England, and the US railroads were built by English expatriates.

Why did the English people build them like that?
Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.

Okay! But why would "they" use that gauge then?
Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
Okay! Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing?
Well, if they tried to use any other spacing the wagons would break on some of the old, long distance roads, because that's the spacing of the old wheel ruts.
So who built these old rutted roads?
The first long distance roads in Europe were built by Imperial Rome for the benefit of their legions. The roads have been used ever since.
And the ruts? The initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagons, were first made by Roman war chariots.

Since the chariots were made for or by Imperial Rome they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.

Thus, we have the answer to the original question.
The United State standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches derives from the original specification for an Imperial Roman army war chariot.
Specs and Bureaucracies live forever.
So, the next time you are handed a specification and wonder what horse's behind came up with it, you may be exactly right.
Because the Imperial Roman chariots were made to be just wide enough to accommodate two Roman horses' asses...  


...
And now, your daily debunk...  

http://www.discoverlivesteam.com/magazine/34/34.html
 

I asked my friend's little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up.
She said she wanted to be Prime Minister some day.
Both her parents, Labour supporters, were standing there, so I asked her
"If you were Prime Minister what would be the first thing you would do?"
She replied "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people." Her
parents beamed and said "Welcome to the Labour Party!"
"Wow...what a worthy goal!" I told her. "But you don't have to wait until
you're Prime Minister to do that. You can come over to my house, mow the
lawn, pull weeds, sweep my drive and I'll pay you $25. Then I'll take you
over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out. You can give him the $25 to use toward food."
She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the
eye and asked "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work and you can just pay him the $25?"
I smiled and said "Welcome to the National Party."
Her parents still aren't speaking to me

A guy walks into a restroom and see a man standing at a urinal with no arms. Goes up to him and says, "Hey buddy you need some help there?" The man replies, in a sort of sad tone, "Yeah...I'd appreciate that..."

After the man had finished up, the guy asked him, "Hey man, I was wondering, what was that black stuff you had on your thing?" Man responds,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Well, I don't know, but I sure as hell ain't touchin' it!!" And pulled his arms out of his shirt.