SuzukiSavage.com - HUMOR (jokes and such!)

savskad

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Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!)
Reply #420 - 11/19/14 at 13:25:52

Three construction workers are having lunch on top of a high-rise being built. A chinese guy, a mexican guy, and a polish guy.

When they were eating the Chinese guy remarks, "Dang it! Dumplings again! If I get dumplings for lunch ONE MORE TIME I'm jumping off this building!!"

The mexican guy opens his lunch and complains, "TACOS! If I get tacos for lunch ONE MORE TIME I am going to jump off this building with you!"

Next the polish guy opens his lunch and sure enough, "Ham sandwiches again?! If I have ham sandwiches ONE MORE TIME I'm jumping with the two of you!"

Next day, each opened their lunches, to no surprise...Chinese guy had dumplings, he ran and jumped off the building to his death. The mexican guy had tacos, so he runs and jumps off the building too. Polish guy, as well, had ham sandwiches, follows the two other gentleman and jumps too.

A few days later their wives were together at the funeral and were talking to eachother:

Chinese guy's wife, "I feel so bad! If I had known Lin didn't like dumplings I would have made him something else."

Mexican guy's wife, "I know! If Juan had just said something, I would have sent him something other than tacos."

Polish guy's wife, "I don't get it!!! Harold has been making his own lunch for 5 years now!!!" Grin

Heard it from a family member, we're mainly norwegian, so just telling the joke as I heard it. Just all in good fun, not trying to be offensive.

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The views and opinions expressed on this post reply are solely the opinion of savskad, no disrespect is ever intended, unless otherwise specified. Wink

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Jeff71 Senior Member Offline I'm a bike noob!!!!! Posts: 378 South of Chicago, the suburbs Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #421 - 11/20/14 at 11:22:54 Somebody is going to buy this and have a REALLY bad day! http://i.imgur.com/p7TNKuK.png Jeff
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MnSpring Serious Thumper Offline Younger than most people my age. Posts: 9000 Minn Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #422 - 11/20/14 at 17:05:32 A man goes on a bender. The next morning he sees a red and a brown ring on his unit. He goes to the doctor, doctor takes some swabs. When the doctor comes back, he says: "Well the red ring is lipstick, the brown ring is snuff".
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anebv8

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Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!)
Reply #423 - 11/26/14 at 22:01:49

A squad of American soldiers was patrolling the Iraqi border, when they came across a badly mangled dead body. As they got closer, they found it was an Iraqi soldier.
A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, struggling to breathe. They ran to him, cradled his bruised head and asked him what had happened.
"Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth when I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, 'Saddam Hussein is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash!'"
"He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, 'George W. Bush is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash too!'"
"We were standing there shaking hands when a truck hit us."

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MnSpring

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Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!)
Reply #424 - 11/28/14 at 15:16:59

A young cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had been the fastest gun in the West.

The cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him of his great ambition to be a great shot...

Could you give me some tips?' he asked.

The old man said, 'Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high - tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.'

'Will that make me a better gunfighter?'

'Sure will'

The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his Colt .45 and shot the bow tie off the piano player.

'That's terrific!' said the cowboy. 'Got any more tips?'

'Yep,' said the old man. 'Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it – that will give you a smoother draw'

'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man.

'You bet it will,' said the old-timer.

The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and then shot a cufflink off the piano player.

'Wow!' exclaimed the cowboy 'I'm learning' something' here. Got any more tips?'

The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. 'See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it.'

The young man smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.

'No,' said the old-timer, 'I mean smear it all over the gun, grip and all..'

'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man.

'No,' said the old-timer, 'but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he's gonna shove that gun up your arss, and it won't hurt as much.'

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Ben Franklin once said: "If you give up a freedom, for the sake of security, you will have neither".
Which is More TRUE, today, than yesterday.('06, S-40, Stock) well, mostly .

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arteacher

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Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!)
Reply #425 - 11/30/14 at 12:50:28

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office. However, she was dating someone else. One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said,
"I'll give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you." The girl said NO.
Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor. You bend down. It'll be over by the time you pick it up."

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend. She called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said,

"Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't have time to get his pants down."

She agreed and accepted the proposal. Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.

Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend called and asked what happened.

She responded, "The bastard used coins!"

My wife, Julie, had been after me for weeks to paint the seat on our toilet. Finally, I got around to doing it while Julie was out of the house. After finishing, I left to take care of another matter before she returned.

She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toilet. She tried to stand up. But, realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat.

About that time, I got home and realized her predicament. We both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, in desperation, I undid the toilet seat bolts. Julie wrapped a sheet around herself and I drove her to the hospital emergency room.

The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her. Julie tried to lighten the embarrassment.

"Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before."

The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of them... I just never saw one mounted and framed."

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white '07, Raask exh, Corbin seat, slipstreamer shie, Raptor, Routy's fwd controls, Baron tach, Frisco bars, Isogrips, Headlight and taillight modulators, Dial-a- jet, AME 9 deg chop kit, K&N air flt

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justin_o_guy2

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What happened?

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East Texas, 1/2 dallas/la.

Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!)
Reply #426 - 11/30/14 at 22:23:44

Health Tips from 101 year-old:

Interview with 101 year-old Hattie Mae MacDonald of Feague, Kentucky:

Reporter: Can you give us some health tips for reaching the age of 101?

Hattie: For better digestion I drink beer. In the case of appetite loss I drink white wine. For low blood pressure I drink red wine. In the case of high blood pressure I drink scotch. And when I have a cold I drink schnapps.

Reporter: When do you drink water?

Hattie: I've never been that sick.

The mounted and framed thing,, WOW!,, Good one Teach.

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The people never give up their liberties but under some delusion.- Edmund Burke.

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Dave YaBB Moderator ModSquad Offline SuzukiSavage.com Rocks! Posts: 17823 Camp Springs, Kentucky Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #427 - 12/02/14 at 06:56:35 Well I bought it! Sending it to a friend as a "gag" gift!
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arteacher

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Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!)
Reply #428 - 12/03/14 at 12:30:36

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he saw that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren --- the trooper cranked down his window --- turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

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white '07, Raask exh, Corbin seat, slipstreamer shie, Raptor, Routy's fwd controls, Baron tach, Frisco bars, Isogrips, Headlight and taillight modulators, Dial-a- jet, AME 9 deg chop kit, K&N air flt

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Jeff71 Senior Member Offline I'm a bike noob!!!!! Posts: 378 South of Chicago, the suburbs Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #429 - 12/03/14 at 15:07:07 Dave, bacon is nothing to joke about! Jeff
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MnSpring Serious Thumper Offline Younger than most people my age. Posts: 9000 Minn Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #430 - 12/04/14 at 17:01:44 (As inspired by another post) You Do Know, why wedding gowns are White ? They, match, the Kitchen appliances !!!!!
Back to top	Ben Franklin once said: "If you give up a freedom, for the sake of security, you will have neither". Which is *More TRUE, today, than yesterday.('06, S-40, Stock) well, mostly* . IP Logged

arteacher

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Ride as if your
naked and invisable!

Posts: 2581
London ontario
Gender: male

Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!)
Reply #431 - 12/08/14 at 05:09:05

Two women friends had gone for a girls' night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives. However, they had gotten a little over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.

Very drunk while walking home, they needed to pee. They stopped at the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe her privates. So, she took off her panties and used them.

Her friend wore a rather expensive pair of panties. She did not want to use them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it. She proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did their business, they went home.

The next day, one husband worried that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over. He phoned the other husband.

"These girl nights have to stop! I am suspecting the worst. "My wife came home with no panties!"

"That's nothing," said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said..."

"From all of us at the Fire Station. We will never forget you."

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white '07, Raask exh, Corbin seat, slipstreamer shie, Raptor, Routy's fwd controls, Baron tach, Frisco bars, Isogrips, Headlight and taillight modulators, Dial-a- jet, AME 9 deg chop kit, K&N air flt

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old_rider Serious Thumper Offline Backyard Bill Productions Posts: 3147 flordia panhandle Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #432 - 12/09/14 at 07:47:36 For me Bacon is a serious affair...LOL A friend sent me this via Face Book....
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Jeff71 Senior Member Offline I'm a bike noob!!!!! Posts: 378 South of Chicago, the suburbs Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #433 - 12/09/14 at 11:52:27 Q: How did the farmer find his sheep in the tall grass? A: Satisfying. Jeff
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anebv8 Senior Member Offline SuzukiSavage.com Rocks! Posts: 280 Rangiora,New Zealand Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #434 - 12/12/14 at 19:59:02
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