SuzukiSavage.com - HUMOR (jokes and such!)

Serowbot YaBB Moderator ModSquad Offline OK.... so what's the speed of dark? Posts: 28385 Tucson Az Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #75 - 11/02/13 at 11:03:46 verslagen1 wrote on 11/02/13 at 09:51:18: if it weren't for the label on the ladder "Don't step above this step" he coulda gone w/out the bricks and had both legs of the ladder on the table and been perfectly safe. Sure,.. but he's no dummy... ...
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RatdogWillie Serious Thumper Offline Nostalgia isn't what it used to be... Posts: 854 Johnstown, PA. Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #76 - 11/02/13 at 11:31:33 News just in, the inventor of Dolby surround sound, Ray Dolby has died aged 80. To mark his passing, on Sunday at 11am we ask you all to observe one minutes noise reduction.
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Paladin. Serious Thumper Offline Hamster Posts: 4929 Sunny Southern California Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #77 - 11/02/13 at 16:55:51 RatdogWillie wrote on 11/02/13 at 11:31:33: News just in, the inventor of Dolby surround sound, Ray Dolby has died aged 80. To mark his passing, on Sunday at 11am we ask you all to observe one minutes noise reduction. I'll turn my hearing aids off.
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RatdogWillie Serious Thumper Offline Nostalgia isn't what it used to be... Posts: 854 Johnstown, PA. Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #78 - 11/02/13 at 18:05:40 Paladin. wrote on 11/02/13 at 16:55:51: RatdogWillie wrote on 11/02/13 at 11:31:33: News just in, the inventor of Dolby surround sound, Ray Dolby has died aged 80. To mark his passing, on Sunday at 11am we ask you all to observe one minutes noise reduction. I'll turn my hearing aids off. I plan to turn mine off also.
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justin_o_guy2

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What happened?

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East Texas, 1/2 dallas/la.

Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!)
Reply #79 - 11/02/13 at 21:26:37

Once upon a time I was a maintenance man for a chain of convenience stores in West Texas.. One of the stores I was responsible for was in Monahans. A lite was out in the canopy over the pumps. It was High,, so 18 wheelers could get under,,I was ordered to replace the bulb,, I am 5'6" on a tall day.. I had a 14 foot ladder. I set it crossways on the tool box in the truck bed,, & stood on my tip toes on the top of that ladder. Seeing a 30 or 40 MPH gust come out of nowhere out ther is a common occurrence,,
I did the job,& I did it ONE More time,, then, I told my boss he would have to find another way to fix a burned out bulb,, because I wasnt climbing up there like that again,,Not any kinda safe, I know that sawed off jerk never did that,, he was shorter than I am,, thers no way he coulda even reached the housing to pull the cover off, much less reach up in there to get the bulb out,.waddajakkass!

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The people never give up their liberties but under some delusion.- Edmund Burke.

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babyhog

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WV
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Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!)
Reply #80 - 11/04/13 at 12:29:14

Dear Kean Elementary:

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Sprenger Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady. My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio, but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.

The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. Her distress over the broken radio touched me and I knew this was God's way of answering my prayers. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I told her to kiss my a$$.

Thank you for that opportunity.

Sincerely,

Agnes

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RatdogWillie

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it used to be...

Posts: 854
Johnstown, PA.
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Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!)
Reply #81 - 11/04/13 at 16:03:27

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?

"Morris Feinberg," he replied.

"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims."
"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."
"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man."
"I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests."

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

"Like I'm talking to a fcuking wall."

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What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot them?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
What if there were no hypothetical questions?

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RatdogWillie Serious Thumper Offline Nostalgia isn't what it used to be... Posts: 854 Johnstown, PA. Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #82 - 11/08/13 at 19:59:23 Why won't cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny.
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anebv8 Senior Member Offline SuzukiSavage.com Rocks! Posts: 280 Rangiora,New Zealand Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #83 - 11/09/13 at 20:47:52 Just went to Harvey Norman this morning,I saw a midget carrying a TV to his car.I said,"Hey mate need some help with that TV?" He said,"Fcuk off you arsehole it's an I-pad."
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anebv8

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SuzukiSavage.com
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Rangiora,New Zealand
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Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!)
Reply #84 - 11/09/13 at 20:48:24

Our beer,which art in barrels,Hallowed be thy drink,
Thy will be drunk,I will be drunk,At home as it is in public Forgive us
this day our daily spillage As we forgive those who spillest
against us,And lead us not into the practice of sissy wine
tasting,And deliver us from D U I'S For mine is the barley,
The hops and the malt,Forever and ever,
BARMEN

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RatdogWillie

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Nostalgia isn't what
it used to be...

Posts: 854
Johnstown, PA.
Gender: male

Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!)
Reply #85 - 11/09/13 at 20:53:16

anebv8 wrote on 11/09/13 at 20:48:24:

Our beer,which art in barrels,Hallowed be thy drink,
Thy will be drunk,I will be drunk,At home as it is in public Forgive us
this day our daily spillage As we forgive those who spillest
against us,And lead us not into the practice of sissy wine
tasting,And deliver us from D U I'S For mine is the barley,
The hops and the malt,Forever and ever,
BARMEN

Now, that is Funny! Grin

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What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot them?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
What if there were no hypothetical questions?

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RatdogWillie

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Nostalgia isn't what
it used to be...

Posts: 854
Johnstown, PA.
Gender: male

Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!)
Reply #86 - 11/12/13 at 06:20:55

With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband, "Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?"

"No," said her husband. She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill. He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly.

She then asked him, "Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?"

"Uh... no, I haven't," he said, with an anxious tone in his voice. She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties and pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill. He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.

"Now," she said, "have you ever seen $50,000 all crumpled up?"

"No way!" he said, while obviously becoming even more aroused and excited, to which she replied:

"Go look in the garage,"

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What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot them?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
What if there were no hypothetical questions?

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Dave YaBB Moderator ModSquad Offline SuzukiSavage.com Rocks! Posts: 17827 Camp Springs, Kentucky Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #87 - 11/12/13 at 10:35:17 .
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old_rider Serious Thumper Offline Backyard Bill Productions Posts: 3147 flordia panhandle Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #88 - 11/12/13 at 14:32:09 Now thas funnie!
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justin_o_guy2 Serious Thumper Offline What happened? Posts: 55279 East Texas, 1/2 dallas/la.	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #89 - 11/12/13 at 20:44:07 "Now," she said, "have you ever seen $50,000 all crumpled up?" "No way!" he said, while obviously becoming even more aroused and excited, to which she replied: "Go look in the garage," Thats Funny,, & so it that next one,, Dr Ruth,,
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