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The Saturday Night Joke


An Italian Funeral

A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he
noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby
cemetery.

A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind
the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking
a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men
walking in single file.

The Jewish man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the
Italian man walking the dog and said: "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a
bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen an Italian funeral like this.
Whose funeral is it?"

"My wife's."

''What happened to her?"

"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"

My mother-in-law. She came to help my wife and the dog turned on her and
killed her also.

A very poignant and touching moment of Jewish and Italian brotherhood and
silence passed between the two men.

The Jewish man then asked "Can I borrow the dog?"

The Italian man replied, "Get in the line." H/T Hrothgar

OK, you are asking--Who in the hell is 'Larry' ?
Larry gets home late one night and Linda, his wife say,
'Where in the hell have you been?'

Larry replies, 'I was out getting a tattoo.'
'A tattoo?' she frowned. 'What kind of tattoo did you get?'
'I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates,' he said proudly.
'What the hell were you thinking? she said, shaking her head n disgust...
'Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?'

Well, one, I like to watch my money grow.
Two, once in a while I like to play with my money.
Three, I like how money feels in my hand.
And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.

Larry is recovering in room 232 at the Hospital.

Somebody brought molasses cookies to the office. Made me wonder how may moles had to die to make these cookies.

I decided to try one anyway. It tasted a bit.....crappy!

My boss arrived at work in a brand-new Lamborghini.  "WOW" I said.  "That's an amazing car".

He replied, "If you get to work early each day, work hard, stay late and strive for excellence, I'll be able to get another one next year!"

Grandson telling me about some of the things he's learned from the teacher...


You’d be surprised at the number of Civil War battles that were fought on National Parks.

Two cheese trucks crashed together.  De brie was everywhere.

“Make love, not war.  If you want to do both, get married.”

I worked for a “ladder” company.  They ask me to step down.

Never tell a “PMS joke” to a woman. Period!

My sister was arrested for stealing from the county road department.  I should have known, all the signs were there.

“Man who drops watch in toilet have crappy time.”

I had to sell my “bandwagon.”  Everyone kept “jumping” on.

I was arrested at Walmart for stealing “board games.”  I took one “risk” too many.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair.
I knew she would come crawling back to me.