One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied,

"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started...

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My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered. I then said,

'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes.'

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

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I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.....

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"



"Yes", she sighed,

"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...

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My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...

True story:
My wife and I were moving from one house to another. I had rented a U-Haul and enlisted the help of a couple of friends. They never showed up and I had to load the truck, drive the truck and unload it three times while she put things away in the new house. The broom (a really nice hand made one that we had bought at a craft sale that looked like a witch's broom) didn't make it into the first two loads and she was bugging me about it. I was getting pretty tired and at the end of the last load she was getting mad that I hadn't given her the broom yet after asking for it several times.
I walked up to the door with it and said "here's your f*****g broom- go for a ride and settle down.
....and that's when the fight started.

Click here for a picture of a topless woman:
http://whatreallyhappened.com/IMAGES/toplesswoman.jpg

& youre failing,, in spades..

I said, 'sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her.

Thanks for typing that out,, I larffed!


I was really expecting him to thank her for the lesson & explain that he was really just buying it for his dad.

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Warning, religious joke ahead.


A Catholic Priest, a Rabi, and a Wiccan High Priestess decided to go to the lake for a picnic and friendly religious discussion.

They all decided to go out on the lake together in a boat before sitting down to eat so they rowed out to the middle of the water and just sat in silence for a while.

Suddenly the Rabi began to speak.

Rabi: "You know, I'm getting a little hungry but I don't really want to row all the way back and would like to eat out here."

Wiccan High Priestess: "You know that sounds like a good idea, but I too would rather not have to row all the way back either."

With that the Rabi smiled and suddenly stood up. "I'm going to go get my food." He stepped out of the boat and to the amazement of the Catholic Priest did not sink in the water but stood on top and walked right across the lake, to their picnic site, grabbed his food and once again walked on the water right back to the boat and climbed in.

The High Priestess seeing what the Rabi had done stood up as well. "You know, I'm going to go get my food as well." To the utter amazement of the Priest, she too stood right on top of the water, walked to shore, grabbed her wicker basket of food and walked back.

"Wow, that was great. I will do the same. After all Jesus too walked on water and I have been a devout Catholic all my life and if a pagan and a jew can walk on water, then so can I."

"Of course you can. We'll wait here for you to get back before we start eating." The Rabi graciously said.

"Thank you." With that the Priest stood up and with perfect faith in his heart stepped out of the boat but immediately sank straight to the bottom. The Rabi and the High Priestess look where the Priest had sank.

Rabi: "Maybe we should have told him about those stepping stones first."

High Priestess looking at the Rabi in confusion: "What stepping stones?"

And Thats when the fight started!