Was fishing one day, snagged something, pulled in the line, and up comes a old brass, urn.
Started rubbing in it, and Outs Pops A Genie !

He said:  “One wish, think about it”
So I did, then said: I want a Bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive a MC their”.
He looked at me, and told me, that was absolutely impossible.
Think of another wish.

So I thought, and thought, and thought.
Then Said: “I want to understand Women, make me understand Women”

He said:

  “Ya want that bridge 2 or 4 lane”.

This is a   TRUE   Story.    TRUE !!!

When I had a shop in a small town, at lunch, would go down to the local cafe.
Their were always, 8-12,  ‘Locals’ their.
During lunch, I would always tell a, ‘Blond’ joke.
(When their was the, (BOTTLE) ‘Blond’ , their),
after the joke, she would, punch me in the arm.

One week, I did, NOT, tell any, ‘Blond’ jokes.
(She was their that week)
Next week, Monday, I did not, tell a, ‘Blond’ joke.
She came to me and asked, why no more, ‘Blond’ jokes.

I told her: “They just take to long to explain”

She punched me in the arm   !!!!!!!!

FOR OLDFELLER-
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Randy staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddies. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Randy sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Randy woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.

She said, ‘You were drunk again last night, weren’t you?’

Randy said, ‘Why would you say such a mean thing?’

‘Well,’ Kathleen said, ‘it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ……. it’s all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

Down in Texas, they were going to build a bridge and name it the Chuck Norris Bridge. He stopped the whole project.

Because nobody crosses Chuck Norris.

I got out of the shower and my wife said, "Ooo look, it's like a thingy... only smaller."

So I said, "Ooo look, it's like my secretary... only fatter and less flexible."

The oldest trick in the book"
http://www.blinkx.com/ce/DaQD-Ngc_ty1_X-WF_YnKQ3QRGFRRC1OZ2NfdHkxX1gtV0ZfWW5L...

Out Deer hunting one day.
About a mile out in the woods, shot a nice buck,
Moved it about 10 yards, and gutted it out.
Just as I was done, a game warden, popped out of the woods,
and said: “Let’s see your License and tag”.
I felt around in all my pockets, (Probably had 20)
As is was cold, and had many layers on.
I Said:  “I Do have a  Valid License and Valid Tag”.
He said: “Does Not  matter, You have not ’tagged’ it, I am giving you a ticket,
now drag it out”.
I Said: “You think I, am going to drag it out, when you are going to give me a Ticket, no way, you drag it out”.
He did, for about a mile.  Then, when we got to my truck,
I Said:  “Oh,  Here is my License and tag”.     LOLOL




This is a TRUE Story !!!
One opening Duck Hunting day, My Cousin and I were in the blind.
We shot our limit, and were preparing to leave.
Out of the Cattails Pops  Two,  FEDERAL, (young) Wild life agents,
and ask for our Licenses and stamps.
We show them, and all is fine. Then I asked, ‘do you want to see our Ducks’.
They said:  (Very Smart a**’es)
“WE Know what you shot, WE Know How many, WE Were watching”.

As they walked away, I turned to my Cousin and said:
“Glen, I didn’t put a, ‘plug’ in my shotgun this morning, did you?”
He said:  “No I Forgot also”.

(For those who do not know, any shotgun, ‘federal law, Duck Hunting’, must be capable of ONLY 3 shots,
so most, Pump or Semi-Autos, which can usually hold 5 shells, need to have a, ‘plug’ to only hold 3)

They, "Spun Dirt”, as they turned around, and asked to see our guns.

We both held up our guns, and handed them to them.
They were both, B-SxS’s.

(For again those who do not know,
a  B-SxS is, a Browning, Side  by Side,  which is a  2 Barrel Shotgun,
CAN, ONLY,  hold  2  Shots)

They were,  NOT,  “Happy Campers”.   LOLOL