A short love story...
A man and a woman who had never met before and who were both married to other people found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, “Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.”
'I have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for tonight... let's pretend that we're married.’
'Wow, that's a great idea!' he exclaimed.
'Good,' she replied... 'Get your own f...ing blanket.'
After a moment of silence, he farted.
The End

I was called back, two days after handing in my job application to join the police force.

"We're impressed Mr Swoop, but there's an omission on your application." The sergeant interviewing me said. "You haven't answered question fourteen, what steps to take if you witness a fellow officer abusing a minority prisoner."

"Oh." I said. "I'm sorry, I didn't see it."


"Great, can you start Monday?"

That's a HOOT...

An old biker walks into the chemist shop and up to the counter.

"Can I help you?", asks the assistant.

"I'd like three packs of condoms please."

The assistant places three packs of condoms on the counter.

"Would you like a paper bag with that?" he asks.

"No, thanks," replies the biker, "she's quite good-looking really ..."

A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16 year olds.
She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun kicking a ball.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'You OK?' she says.
'Yes.' he says.
'You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says.
'It's best I stay here.' he says.
'Why's that sweetie?' says the blonde.
The boy looks at her incredulously and says, "Because I'm the Goalie !"

A woman from Los Angeles who was a tree huger, a liberal Democrat, and a anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland near Colville , WA .
There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She
wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to
climb the big tree.

As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her.
In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and
got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to a
local ER to see a doctor.

She told him she was an environmentalist, a democrat, and an anti-hunter, and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared.

The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?" He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a "recreational area" so close to a waste treatment facility.

And I’m sorry, but due to Obama-Care,
they turned you down!"

Heard a rumor that, the owner of the NFL Washington Redskins, has announced that the team is dropping the word “Washington” from the team name and it will henceforth be simply known as “The Redskins”.

It was reported that he finds the word 'Washington', imparts a negative image of poor leadership, mismanagement, corruption, cheating, and lying, and is not a fitting role model for young fans of football.

I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first pint.

Off we went to our local pub, which is only two blocks from the house. I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it.

Then I got him a Heineken, he didn't like that either, so I drank it.
It was the same with the Molson's and the Labatt's.

I thought maybe he'd like whiskey better than beer so we tried a Jameson.
Nope! We switched to Jack Daniel's, but he didn't like that any better than the Jameson.

By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink, I was so stoned I could hardly push the stroller back home.
....................................................................
A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.
Three women, from England , Scotland and Ireland , were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.
The English woman said 'Have you ever had a hug?' The man said 'No' so she gave him a hug and walked on.
The Scottish woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?' The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
The Irish woman came to him and said, 'ave ya ever been fooked lad?' The man broke into a big smile and said, 'no'.
She said, 'Aye - Ya will be when the tide comes in. '
.......................................................
After the funeral, the men decided to honor a longstanding Irish tradition. Each man poured a bottle of Irish whisky onto the grave of the deceased. All but one of the men did this - the man known as "John the Englishman".
The other men turned to the lone holdout and demanded to know why he poured no whisky. The man replied that no offering is considered sanctified unless it passes through the kidneys first, and that his offering was forthcoming...

Sounds like a Joke, Looks like a Joke,
could it be  ????    But !

“ These are actual comments made on students report cards
by teachers in the New York City public school system.
All these teachers were reprimanded.”

But, if it IS, True,
The, ’teachers’, who have the Bal**, to say,
What is What,
In the hope that, ’that’, comment, will change the student, (for the better)
Are, SCOLDED, by the  P. C. Police.


1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

7. This child has been working with glue too much.

8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming..

10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.

12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.