w to wash a cat.
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1 oz. of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lids. You may need to stand on the top lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash and rinse'.

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand to the side of the toilet as far away as you can and quickly lift the lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside, where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely yours,
The Dog

verslagen1 wrote on 05/01/15 at 12:05:12:

AND the dog, who seems to have recomended this
actually my dog gets along quite well with cats, but heck, it was a joke

justin_o_guy2 wrote on 05/01/15 at 11:02:06:
I tried this, and the cat plugs up the toilet and you will have sudsy water all over the bathroom.

A normal washing machine works just fine, and you can use either Tide or Woolite depending cat:

After the spin cycle the cat is too dizzy to run, so you can simple wring it out and lay it out to dry:

I didn't know cats weren't colorfast.

Grama is downstairs,
when her teenage Granddaughter comes down,
to go out on a date.
  (She has a sheer blouse on, with no bra)

Grama has a fit, and tells her not to go out like that.

The Granddaughter says:
“Lighten up Grama, everybody is doing it,
it’s, modern times,  gotta show the RoseBuds”
Then rushes out the door.

Next day, the Granddaughter comes down stairs,
and here sits Grama, ’Topless’.

‘OMG”, says the Granddaughter, “Put a top on,
I am so embarrassed. I have friends coming over,
they can’t see you like that”.

Grama says;  ‘ Lighten up sweetie,
you have to show your, ‘Rose Buds’,
I got to show, my, ‘Hanging Baskets”.

Ohhh! That's good..

Pinocchio, Snow White and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day.  
As they walk, they come across a sign:
“Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."
  "I am entering”, said Snow White.
She comes out and they ask her,
"Well, how did you do?"  
“ First Place”, said Snow White.

They continue walking and they see a sign:
"Contest for the strongest man in the world."
"I'm entering," says Superman .
After he returns and they ask him,
"How did you make out?"
" First Place”, answers Superman.

They continue walking when they see a sign:
"Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?"
Pinocchio says:  “I got this”.
He returns with tears in his eyes.  
"What happened?" they asked.    
Pinocchio said:
"Who the hell is Hillary Clinton?"

An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put up a sign outside that said: "Dr. Geezer's clinic. "Get your treatment for $500. If not cured get back $1,000."

Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought he would make some money. So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.
This is what transpired.

Dr. Young: --- "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?

Dr. Geezer: --- "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put three drops in his mouth."

Dr. Young: --- "Aaagh !! -- "This is Gasoline!"

Dr. Geezer: --- "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."

Dr. Young is annoyed and returns in a few days figuring to recover his money. --- "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."

Dr. Geezer: --- "Nurse, bring medicine from box 22 and put three drops in the patient's mouth."

Doctor Young: --- "Oh no you don't. That's gasoline!"

Dr. Geezer: --- "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."

Dr. Young leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. --- "My eyesight has become weak. I can hardly see.

Dr. Geezer: --- "Well, I don't have any medicine for that ,so here's your $1000 back."

Dr. Young: --- "But this is only $500."

Dr. Geezer: --- "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."

Moral of story: Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean you can outsmart an old "Geezer!"