SuzukiSavage.com - HUMOR (jokes and such!)

anebv8 Senior Member Offline SuzukiSavage.com Rocks! Posts: 280 Rangiora,New Zealand Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #210 - 04/08/14 at 23:43:27 .
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anebv8 Senior Member Offline SuzukiSavage.com Rocks! Posts: 280 Rangiora,New Zealand Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #211 - 04/08/14 at 23:43:50 .
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justin_o_guy2 Serious Thumper Offline What happened? Posts: 55279 East Texas, 1/2 dallas/la.	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #212 - 04/09/14 at 00:18:55 Too deep for me!
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Pine Serious Thumper Offline SuzukiSavage.com Rocks! Posts: 1694 Mississippi, USA Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #213 - 04/09/14 at 07:53:22 UMMMm I loved submarine races. Though they were only held at night.. by a lake.. and no ... spectators, cops, and angry dads were not a welcome sight.
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arteacher

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Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!)
Reply #214 - 04/11/14 at 09:03:20

A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."

What do you mean? said the the pirate, "I feel fine."

What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.

Well, said the pirate, we were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now.

The bartender replied, Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?

The pirate explained, we were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I'm fine, really.

What about the eye patch?

Oh, said the pirate, one day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over, I looked up and one of them sh!t in my eye.

You're kidding, said the bartender. You couldn't lose an eye just from bird sh!t.

"It was my first day with the hook."

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white '07, Raask exh, Corbin seat, slipstreamer shie, Raptor, Routy's fwd controls, Baron tach, Frisco bars, Isogrips, Headlight and taillight modulators, Dial-a- jet, AME 9 deg chop kit, K&N air flt

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RatdogWillie Serious Thumper Offline Nostalgia isn't what it used to be... Posts: 854 Johnstown, PA. Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #215 - 04/11/14 at 13:36:50 This clip is good for some chuckles: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wk92O0SEjXc
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rl153 Serious Thumper Offline S40 Just right! Posts: 906 Bloomfield,CT Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #216 - 04/12/14 at 07:07:41 [][/img]
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arteacher

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Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!)
Reply #217 - 04/13/14 at 15:27:19

Murphy, a furniture dealer from Hoboken, wanted to expand the line of furniture. He decided to go to Paris, to see what he could find.

After arriving in Paris, he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home.
To celebrate the new purchase, he decided to visit a small tavern and have a glass of wine.

At the crowded bistro, he sat enjoying his wine. There was the only vacant table in the house.

Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table. She asked him something in French (which Murphy could not understand). He motioned to the vacant table and invited her to sit down.

He tried to speak to her in English. She did not understand him. He took a napkin, drew a picture of a wine glass, and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her.

After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin. He drew a picture of a plate with food. She nodded.

They left the bistro and found a quiet restaurant that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance.

They danced until the band stopped playing. Back at their table, the young woman took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed.
.
.
.

To this day, Murphy still cannot figure how she knew he was in the furniture business.

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white '07, Raask exh, Corbin seat, slipstreamer shie, Raptor, Routy's fwd controls, Baron tach, Frisco bars, Isogrips, Headlight and taillight modulators, Dial-a- jet, AME 9 deg chop kit, K&N air flt

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arteacher

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Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!)
Reply #218 - 04/13/14 at 15:36:12

There was a Scottish painter named Clive MacGregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.

He got away with this for some time, until the local church decided to do a big restoration job. Clive put in his bid, and because his price was so low, he got the job.

So he set about erecting the scaffolding setting up the planks, and buying the paint and yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with turpentine.

Well, Clive was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was lightning and a horrendous clap of thunderI The sky opened and the rain poured down, washing the thinned paint from the church walls.

It also knocked poor Clive clear off the scaffold, landing on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.

But Clive was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got down on his knees and cried:

"Oh God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?"

And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke.

"Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"

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white '07, Raask exh, Corbin seat, slipstreamer shie, Raptor, Routy's fwd controls, Baron tach, Frisco bars, Isogrips, Headlight and taillight modulators, Dial-a- jet, AME 9 deg chop kit, K&N air flt

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arteacher

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Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!)
Reply #219 - 04/21/14 at 08:32:05

Husband's Message (by cell phone):

Honey, a car has hit me near the office.
Paula brought me to the Hospital.

They have been making tests and taking X-rays.

The blow to my head has been very strong. Fortunately, it did not cause any serious injury. However, I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they may need to amputate the right foot.

Wife's Response:

Who in the Hell is Paula?

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white '07, Raask exh, Corbin seat, slipstreamer shie, Raptor, Routy's fwd controls, Baron tach, Frisco bars, Isogrips, Headlight and taillight modulators, Dial-a- jet, AME 9 deg chop kit, K&N air flt

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ZAR Serious Thumper Offline Rock this town! Rock it inside out! Posts: 961 Kentucky, USA Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #220 - 04/21/14 at 19:13:01 anebv8 wrote on 04/08/14 at 23:43:50: . Always thought "submarine races" involved bed covers and "UP Periscope"
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Dave YaBB Moderator ModSquad Offline SuzukiSavage.com Rocks! Posts: 18099 Camp Springs, Kentucky Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #221 - 04/24/14 at 12:55:01 Johns Hopkins Weight Study The National Institute of Health has just released the results of a $200 million research study completed under a grant to Johns Hopkins . The new study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
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prsavage Senior Member Offline atgatt Posts: 306 Nanaimo BC Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #222 - 04/24/14 at 16:00:45 How many people work for (insert company name here)? About half of them.
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justin_o_guy2 Serious Thumper Offline What happened? Posts: 55279 East Texas, 1/2 dallas/la.	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #223 - 04/26/14 at 09:48:21
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anebv8

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Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!)
Reply #224 - 04/26/14 at 16:40:03

Subject: VASELINE & SEX ( funny) A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?" She said, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time." "If you don't mind my asking," he said, "what do you use it for?" "We use it for sex," she said. The researcher was a little taken aback. "Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been so frank so far, can you tell me exactly HOW you use it for sex?"The woman said, "I don't mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out."

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