SuzukiSavage.com - HUMOR (jokes and such!)

RatdogWillie

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Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!)
Reply #180 - 03/08/14 at 04:01:14

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed, so his friend calls 911. "My friend is dead! What should I do?"
The operator replies, "Calm down, sir. I can help. First make sure that he's dead."
There's a silence, then a loud bang.
Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

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What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot them?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
What if there were no hypothetical questions?

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arteacher

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Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!)
Reply #181 - 03/08/14 at 10:36:29

The only cow in a small town in Texas stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found they could buy a super milk cow up in Antigo, Wisconsin, for $2,000.00. They bought the cow from Wisconsin and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again. They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried,
the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do. They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she walks away to the other side." The Vet thinks about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow in Wisconsin?" The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they bought the cow. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Wisconsin?" The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Wisconsin."

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arteacher

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Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!)
Reply #182 - 03/08/14 at 10:42:50

Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome, Italy.

One has a Cross in front of him; the other one is holding the Star of David. Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross.

The Pope comes by. He stops to watch the throngs of people giving money to the beggar who holds the Cross while none give to the beggar holding the Star of David.

Finally, the Pope approaches the beggar with the Star of David and says: "My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who is holding a Cross. In fact, they would probably give more money to him just out of spite!"

The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, and turned to the beggar with the Cross and said: "Moishe, would you look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing!"

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white '07, Raask exh, Corbin seat, slipstreamer shie, Raptor, Routy's fwd controls, Baron tach, Frisco bars, Isogrips, Headlight and taillight modulators, Dial-a- jet, AME 9 deg chop kit, K&N air flt

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RatdogWillie

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Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!)
Reply #183 - 03/09/14 at 21:33:47

A young woman had been taking golf lessons. She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain.

Her golf pro Graham saw her come into the clubhouse and asked,

'Why are you back in so early? What’s wrong?'

'I was stung by a bee', she said.

'Where?', he asked.

'Between the first and second hole', she replied.

He nodded knowingly and said, 'Then your feet were too far apart.

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What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot them?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
What if there were no hypothetical questions?

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arteacher

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Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!)
Reply #184 - 03/10/14 at 10:50:33

A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas walks into a bar and orders three mugs of beer. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado. When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my two brothers and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church, and I had to quit drinking."

"Hasn't affected my brothers though."

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white '07, Raask exh, Corbin seat, slipstreamer shie, Raptor, Routy's fwd controls, Baron tach, Frisco bars, Isogrips, Headlight and taillight modulators, Dial-a- jet, AME 9 deg chop kit, K&N air flt

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arteacher Serious Thumper Offline Ride as if your naked and invisable! Posts: 2581 London ontario Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #185 - 03/10/14 at 15:06:21 If there were a major waterway running through Crimea ,would it be the ... Crimea River? Sorry ,couldn't help myself.
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RatdogWillie Serious Thumper Offline Nostalgia isn't what it used to be... Posts: 854 Johnstown, PA. Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #186 - 03/10/14 at 16:06:44 arteacher wrote on 03/10/14 at 15:06:21: If there were a major waterway running through Crimea ,would it be the ... Crimea River? Sorry ,couldn't help myself. GOOD ONE
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pg Serious Thumper Offline Posts: 5273 In Transit	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #187 - 03/10/14 at 16:25:22 Enough said.
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RatdogWillie Serious Thumper Offline Nostalgia isn't what it used to be... Posts: 854 Johnstown, PA. Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #188 - 03/10/14 at 17:16:58 pg wrote on 03/10/14 at 16:25:22: Enough said. Ah Ha! So Oregon is where she moved to.
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RatdogWillie Serious Thumper Offline Nostalgia isn't what it used to be... Posts: 854 Johnstown, PA. Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #189 - 03/14/14 at 03:01:15 20 Jokes That Only Intellectuals Will Understand. http://m.tickld.com/x/20-jokes-that-only-intellectuals-will-understand
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arteacher Serious Thumper Offline Ride as if your naked and invisable! Posts: 2581 London ontario Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #190 - 03/14/14 at 05:19:50 RatdogWillie wrote on 03/14/14 at 03:01:15: 20 Jokes That Only Intellectuals Will Understand. http://m.tickld.com/x/20-jokes-that-only-intellectuals-will-understand I don't get #12.
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Dave

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Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!)
Reply #191 - 03/14/14 at 05:29:04

arteacher wrote on 03/14/14 at 05:19:50:

RatdogWillie wrote on 03/14/14 at 03:01:15:

20 Jokes That Only Intellectuals Will Understand.

http://m.tickld.com/x/20-jokes-that-only-intellectuals-will-understand

I don't get #12. Undecided

Me either.....and I am an Engineer! I have someone coming over at 10 AM that will most likely be able to explain it to me.

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Dave YaBB Moderator ModSquad Offline SuzukiSavage.com Rocks! Posts: 18142 Camp Springs, Kentucky Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #192 - 03/14/14 at 11:34:51 OK....I believe # 12 is resolved. 31 in base 8 = 25 in base 10
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arteacher Serious Thumper Offline Ride as if your naked and invisable! Posts: 2581 London ontario Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #193 - 03/14/14 at 13:06:56 Dave wrote on 03/14/14 at 11:34:51: OK....I believe # 12 is resolved. 31 in base 8 = 25 in base 10 I still don't get it, but that's OK. If it is that obtuse I don't think it could be funny anyway, and I don't think I can afford the time to learn how it could be.
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RatdogWillie

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Nostalgia isn't what
it used to be...

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Johnstown, PA.
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Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!)
Reply #194 - 03/15/14 at 04:51:58

In regard to #17:

A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

So the hotdog vendor does, and the monk gives him a $10 bill. The vendor puts the bill into the cash box and starts waiting on the next customer.

The monk says, "Hey, what about my change?"

The vendor replies, "Change must come from within."

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What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot them?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
What if there were no hypothetical questions?

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