While down at my favorite beach yesterday, I found a coconut on the ground. Not just any nut, THE nut!
It was that big. Do you remember the character Scrat from the introduction to the movie Ice Age? How meglomaniacal he was for his nut.
Well, I think I am beginning to understand him better.
Now when I was young, I did on occasions open and drink and eat coconuts that I found while servicing lighthouses on this island.
It was a simple matter of a sharp machete, a sure fast stroke, a little spilled juice and Voila! These were green coconuts.
stress that, green. As in easy to cut, the inside was full of a rich white pudding and milk.
This nutzilla was brown and hard as a rock. I shook it and could hear the liquid slosh so I knew it was good and ripe. I tied it on the bike and rode home.
I no longer own a machete, but I have a good tanto so I sat down in the garage to begin work. Now I have seen mokes open these things far easier than me. Moke is a term of great respect for a man who can open a coconut in seconds and retain all his arms and legs.
I have also watched that survival guy on TV open one of these things. These guys always seem to just happen to have a sharpened
stump of a hardwood tree nearby. I didn't. But I had my tanto and it was its' usual sharpness.
First I tried to slice off one end like I did with the green ones long ago. No luck. When they turn brown the husk takes on the quality of tempered steel. I certainly did not want to hold this thing across my knees while applying great force to the tanto, that is probably a great way to earn the name ,(Peg Leg). I folded up a packing quilt and laid it across a box and put the nut on that. I studied it and discerned that it seemed to have a grain direction to the husk running north south. I laid the tanto along this line and hammered the back of the blade with the heel of my left hand. The edge cut in. It was an encouraging sign. I found I could drive the point in and lever the length of the blade to effect lengthwise slices in the husk. When I had two of these lengthwise about three inches apart at the fat part of the nut, I drove the tanto in and used it as a crow bar,(tantos are good for this perhaps the only knife that can be used this way).
I began to hear ripping sounds as the husk began to tear off due to the mighty effort I applied. Now I had a technique.
More stab and lever followed by brutal forceful ripping took slab after slab of husk away. After a short while, (only a few hours), I had the nut in my hand. It was one of the largest I have ever seen and very hairy.
Shaving the hair off was as easy as skinning a badger---------------- before killing it.
I decided to cut off one end with a saw so I could make a cup out of the shell. Okay, a very big cup.
First I drilled with a hand drill a couple of holes to empty the milk out. It was delicious and after all that work, I needed it.
I put it on a work table and held it there with a large sliding carpenters clamp. Then I applied my large industrial hacksaw to it
to no avail. And I thought that the husk was hard material, it had nothing on this. The saw blade kept slipping off the curve of the nut making nary a scratch.
I got out my serious hacksaw with 24 teeth per inch that can cut some hard steels. With great effort and patience I finally noted that a small groove began to appear. I redoubled my efforts and after a few more hours had the nut open.
I took it to the sink and washed the saw dust off of the white copra meat. I will be eating this thing all winter. It contains enough copra to nearly fill Jack Londons' Trading schooner.
This is what I call TV food. You break off apiece and put on a video like Dr. Schivago and while watching the movie, eat it. You might even finish a piece before the end of the movie. And it does taste good.
The best part is that I still have my arms and legs although the legs don't work very well anyway.
Now I think I will go into town to the Kava bar for a cup.
I am developing a taste for this strange island brew with its unusual
medicinal qualities.
Phelonius
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