So I just wanted to close the loop on this thread and report back that changing the idle speed made a WORLD of a difference!!!

It pretty much solved problem 1, just a little gas after starting if it has been cold for a week or more.  

#2 is much less lurchy (though still a bit but it doesn't scare nearly as much as it used to! so I'll consider that almost fixed).  

#3 I now shift into second a bit lower, like my husband's bike between 1 and 2nd gears.  The higher gears there is still a bit of a discrepancy but it's totally ok to me.

#4, I think I will have to take to a dealer to check out further but it is not preventing me from riding.

#5, yeah- they both still backfire a lot but mine is backfiring less, now.

#6, we took them on a 180 mile r/t journey and during that time the brakes started off squealy, grew quiet and now squeal again.  BUT they dont' squeal quite as loud so I'll take it!

Thank you all for responding so clearly to my post.  Just that one little screw turn has made a huge difference on my bike and I felt confident enough to take her out on a longer trip!