Shamelessly stolen from St. Louis's Craigslist...

WHY I'M DIVORCED

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday."

I thought, well, that's marriage for you; but the kids, they will remember. My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary, Jane, said, "good morning boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!" It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me."

I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. She chose instead at a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day, we don't need to go straight back to the office, do we?"

I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"

She said, "Let's drop by my apartment; it's just around the corner."

After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back."

"OK," I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake, followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday."

And I just sat there,

On the couch,

Naked.  

Yep, that will set a divorce in motion real quick!!  

My birthday, this past July 14th, I hadn't seen my mother in a couple weeks, and we had recently moved her to an apartment, and we discovered this good little Mexican restaurant close to her new apartment.  It was a beautiful sunny day, so I wanted to ride!  Decided to call my Mom, and ask her to meet us at the Mexican restaurant for dinner.  Hubby and I rode the bikes over and she was there waiting.  I figured she'd at least bring me a little something (she had shown me a bracelet she had bought for my sister, who's birthday was 3 weeks prior)  We sat down at the table and she asked what had been happening, normal small talk.  I finally said "Mom, do you know what today is?"  She said "Tuesday, no, its Wednesday".  I said "What's the DATE?"  She thought a few seconds and said "Oh Sh!t!!  I forgot your birthday!!"  I told her I guess that's what its like when you are retired.  Don't know what day it is, and don't care about dates anymore!!  

Don't worry, I'll never let her live it down...  

You are next on the list AL, so you will definitely get some virtual birthday kisses from me....  BUT you have to wait another week....  

i don't have birthdays anymore!!!

very good one, I think that's what happened to our Bill.

bill67 wrote on 10/24/10 at 19:23:04:


But you are catching up fast.  When he was 10 years old you were 80% as old as him.  One month later you were 90% as old as him.  How long will it take for you to catch up?

Phelonius