SuzukiSavage.com - the slow creep of hopelessness . . .

justin_o_guy2 Serious Thumper Offline What happened? Posts: 55279 East Texas, 1/2 dallas/la.	Re: the slow creep of hopelessness . . . Reply #15 - 10/21/14 at 08:12:16 But,, its ALLL just the result of a Looong series of mistakes made by WELL intentioned people in DC..
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WebsterMark

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Re: the slow creep of hopelessness . . .
Reply #16 - 10/21/14 at 08:24:07

Gentlemen;

It’s not very often I don’t think I have the answer to everything, but right now, I don’t know what to say.

I realize I’m often the antagonist on here and many of you piss me off to no end, (as I’m sure I do you in turn) but the truth is I’ve come to recognize the personalities assigned to your usernames. I don’t think you can call those you exchange messages with online as ‘friends’, but you can develop a bond with them that’s similar.

I wish I had a magic wand that I could wave and would make it a brighter day for you, but sadly I don’t.

All I can say is that someone you probably can’t stand hearing from is nonetheless thinking about you and wishing for a brighter tomorrow.

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Jerry Eichenberger

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Re: the slow creep of hopelessness . . .
Reply #17 - 10/21/14 at 10:12:01

I'll add my 2 cents worth.

LA - how old are you? Something makes me think you are fairly young, at least by the standards of this 67 year old.

Listen to Serowbot's recommendation - clinical depression is an illness, not something to be ashamed of, so get treatment. Depression is a whirlpool - the more you have it, the deeper it sucks you down. You cannot get out of the morass alone.

Then, take real stock. I hear you saying that many of your ideas didn't work. Why? There are 2 reasons in business why ideas don't work. One is lack of effort to make it work, the other is because the idea never made sense in the first place, no matter how hard you wanted it to. Only you, perhaps in consultation with a "mentor" can decide why you have failed in the past.
And past failure is also nothing to be ashamed about. As long as you learn from a mistake, all the better, because you won't repeat it.

Good luck, and keep us up to date on how you're doing.

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Jerry Eichenberger
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LostArtist

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Re: the slow creep of hopelessness . . .
Reply #18 - 10/21/14 at 14:44:57

Jerry Eichenberger wrote on 10/21/14 at 10:12:01:

I'll add my 2 cents worth.

LA - how old are you? Something makes me think you are fairly young, at least by the standards of this 67 year old.

Listen to Serowbot's recommendation - clinical depression is an illness, not something to be ashamed of, so get treatment. Depression is a whirlpool - the more you have it, the deeper it sucks you down. You cannot get out of the morass alone.

Then, take real stock. I hear you saying that many of your ideas didn't work. Why? There are 2 reasons in business why ideas don't work. One is lack of effort to make it work, the other is because the idea never made sense in the first place, no matter how hard you wanted it to. Only you, perhaps in consultation with a "mentor" can decide why you have failed in the past.
And past failure is also nothing to be ashamed about. As long as you learn from a mistake, all the better, because you won't repeat it.

Good luck, and keep us up to date on how you're doing.

I'm 36, my main problem is I have absolutely zero confidence in myself or my work to sell myself in a job interview or to "fake" it. I really do take all the responsibility for that too, I haven't seized opportunities, I haven't networked correctly, etc. .. Also, I've come to realize I'm not the personality type it takes to make it in the "design" field so I'm not even sure I want to try anymore but my lifestyle has moved up a bit so I can't really start again from scratch, but I might just have to. and I can't really afford to really seek out professional help either, so as long as I keep my expectations low, I'm okay, but it's kind of a sh!tty way to live.

and again, I'm not bad off, some here have more difficulties than me for sure, so I feel for them and I'm sorry I'm taking up time from their problems.

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Jerry Eichenberger Serious Thumper Offline 2006 S40. OEM windshield, saddle bags, Sportster Posts: 2919 Columbus, Ohio Gender:	Re: the slow creep of hopelessness . . . Reply #19 - 10/21/14 at 15:01:24 LA - PM me. There was a time in my life when I was a nerdy kid who had no sense of self worth, no friends in high school, and wondered where I'd end up. So I set about making some changes. I'll tell you my story.
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LostArtist

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Re: the slow creep of hopelessness . . .
Reply #20 - 10/21/14 at 16:45:11

Jerry Eichenberger wrote on 10/21/14 at 15:01:24:

LA - PM me. There was a time in my life when I was a nerdy kid who had no sense of self worth, no friends in high school, and wondered where I'd end up. So I set about making some changes. I'll tell you my story.

it's one thing being that way when you're a kid, it's another when you're an adult, I'm a freaking sub-urban hermit here, I want to live my life more, but I have NO idea where or how to start about doing that. when asked, people often say you just do it, "get over yourself" etc . . which leaves me with even less confidence and even more afraid of screwing up because it's obviously just that much simpler, but I can't figure it out. and I hate reaching out in this kind of state cause I feel like I'm a downer to those I'm reaching out to.

thank God when I ride my motorcycle I don't have time to think about all this BS.

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LostArtist

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Re: the slow creep of hopelessness . . .
Reply #21 - 10/31/14 at 12:55:22

still lost, not depressed, maybe anxious though, idk, I still have no idea what to do with my life. could be much worse

Quote:

There are 2 reasons in business why ideas don't work. One is lack of effort to make it work, the other is because the idea never made sense in the first place, no matter how hard you wanted it to.

these feed off each other for me, I have no faith in the ideas I have, so I don't think they make sense in the first place, I also feel that society in general agrees with me on that, so I then don't make much of an effort to make it work.

but then that leads me to try other things like going back to school and getting a master's degree, which was a huge mistake, well a $17,000 mistake, cause I kinda muddled it up by trying to get a master's degree in something I'm interested in instead of just doing it for the money, cause you get that advice a lot.

now I think I'm just trying to talk myself into "selling out" and start trying to look for something I might be competent at without having to go back to school, or something I could go back to school for that I wouldn't hate that wouldn't put me into too much more debt.

I kinda feel like that song "Don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys"

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pg

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Re: the slow creep of hopelessness . . .
Reply #22 - 10/31/14 at 15:43:30

LostArtist wrote on 10/31/14 at 12:55:22:

but then that leads me to try other things like going back to school and getting a master's degree, which was a huge mistake, well a $17,000 mistake, cause I kinda muddled it up by trying to get a master's degree in something I'm interested in instead of just doing it for the money, cause you get that advice a lot.

now I think I'm just trying to talk myself into "selling out" and start trying to look for something I might be competent at without having to go back to school, or something I could go back to school for that I wouldn't hate that wouldn't put me into too much more debt.

Do I understand this correctly? You have a masters degree and you are contemplating additional education? I certainly don't have all of the answers; although, I have a graduate degree and have been in your position as well.

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LostArtist

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Re: the slow creep of hopelessness . . .
Reply #23 - 10/31/14 at 16:51:38

pg wrote on 10/31/14 at 15:43:30:

LostArtist wrote on 10/31/14 at 12:55:22:

but then that leads me to try other things like going back to school and getting a master's degree, which was a huge mistake, well a $17,000 mistake, cause I kinda muddled it up by trying to get a master's degree in something I'm interested in instead of just doing it for the money, cause you get that advice a lot.

now I think I'm just trying to talk myself into "selling out" and start trying to look for something I might be competent at without having to go back to school, or something I could go back to school for that I wouldn't hate that wouldn't put me into too much more debt.

Do I understand this correctly? You have a masters degree and you are contemplating additional education? I certainly don't have all of the answers; although, I have a graduate degree and have been in your position as well.

additional, probably not additional, like not a PH,D or anything in that direction, rather, different education, I'd be cool with getting an associate's degree in something completely different and go off in that area, like maybe medical imaging or something, but I have no idea what that something should or could be.

I need to get my anxiety under control, I didn't know that I had that problem until I had to leave a job over it in July. I had symptoms of anxiety but I always thought it was just periodic depression but it would come and go and I'd get over it. It might still just be situational and I need to fix that, somehow.

sorry, this is a huge pity party for me, I know, I know, but it does help a bit to at least put it down in pixels, sorry if I'm being a downer for anyone

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Ed L.

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Re: the slow creep of hopelessness . . .
Reply #24 - 10/31/14 at 17:06:11

No pity party, you just need to express the little gremlins that creep through you mind. We all have them, it's part of being human. I would rather be my dog, get fed, hugged and loved with no worries. It doesn't work that way Sad

. Don't dwell on the past, it only will bring you down, can't tell you what to do, just try to enjoy whatever comes your way. Peace Brother

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thumperclone

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Re: the slow creep of hopelessness . . .
Reply #25 - 10/31/14 at 23:05:21

me gremlins
turning 60 this year, have gone from running 20 man electrical crews in the sunshine state, living in a brand new house, making good money and spending good money just as fast.. now
to a slower paced just better than min wage maintenance position in a hotel, our house is almost 100 years old..
I've adapted & I enjoy the interaction with the guests at work.
fishing and camping are great energy rechargers am even thing of taking up my painting hobby that I haven't done for over 15 years

have survived substance abuse issues and periods of depression over the years & thoughts of ending it all

never thought id see 30 let alone 60

ironic news came in the mail this week I can retire at 62 and would take home more than I am presently!!

I cant dwell on the missed but I look forward to the possible

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Paraquat

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Re: the slow creep of hopelessness . . .
Reply #26 - 11/03/14 at 06:15:33

http://www.nbcconnecticut.com/news/local/Two-Killed-in-Fiery-Crash-in-Berlin-...

My cousin got torched to death.
I get to be a pallbearer on Saturday.

My Spyder caught fire last night two streets away from home. 5 years of building that car and I watched it go in 5 minutes.

As far as dealing with stuff, I've been forcing myself outside of my comfort zone since last year. Stuff I'd normally say no to I've been forcing myself to say yes instead, and then backing up those commitments.
Since posting my own grief on your thread I've had a few people reach out to me. It's comforting to know I'm not alone. Total strangers who want to help. It doesn't feel as bad.

--Steve

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pg

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Re: the slow creep of hopelessness . . .
Reply #27 - 11/08/14 at 15:16:11

Where did "piss poor" come from? Here are some facts about the 1500's. I don’t know how much of this is true, but it lends a certain perspective.

Where did "Piss Poor" come from? Interesting history. They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot. And then once it was full it was taken and sold to the tannery... If you had to do this to survive you were "Piss Poor".

But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn't even afford to buy a pot...They "didn't have a pot to piss in" and were the lowest of the low.

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, And they still smelled pretty good by June.. However, since they were starting to smell, Brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof.. Hence the saying, "It's raining cats and dogs."

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, "Dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing.

I had a relative who used to say, "it can always get worse." Huh

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raydawg

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Re: the slow creep of hopelessness . . .
Reply #28 - 11/09/14 at 13:41:59

Yeah I know some folk don't want to hear this, much less lend it any credence.....

But I had a ton of "issues" that led to mental fragmentation.
Trying to find a solution, in a world where lip service, and pseudo fixes, only add to the confusion and are temporary at best....

My mental state even controlled my physical body, which was fixable with other/more medications.....

Which, BTW, did you know BIG pharmaceuticals are much great in $$$$$$$ than the big bad mean oil companies?

But it all changed in a heartbeat, life has direction, meaning, and joy.

It is sustainable, has real tangible results that I can even share with others, and cost nothing at all, and is available to all, for free....

I was down to one of two options, kill myself, or surrender my will to one who accept me as broken as I was, and repair me....

I went with Jesus, inviting him to take my life and use it as he deems.

Measurable physical health was improved immediately and verified by a blood pressure monitor.

I was taken off meds, never had a need since and have not had the need to self medicate, for any reason or bad luck.....

I know it is not believable too many, this is nothing new.... I am sorry for that.
We can make laws that are punitive in nature against believing, and exhibiting that faith, but it won't improve their lot one iota, as their focus is outward, instead of inward, where their problems exist.

But it does not change the facts, and results in my life, because they can't believe it.....

I hope all have a chance at sustainable joy, and happiness, with whatever they choose to do with their lives Kiss

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“The biggest big business in America is not steel, automobiles, or television. It is the manufacture, refinement and distribution of anxiety.”—Eric Sevareid (1964)

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LostArtist

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Re: the slow creep of hopelessness . . .
Reply #29 - 11/12/14 at 12:22:03

another one of those days,

I think I might start using this thread as a journal kinda, to start being able to get some real quantitative data on my problem, I might not need that data, but if I only feel this way 5 days a month, it's not worth spending money on treatment.

today, I am a failure, this IS NOT debatable, it just is, and any change I make in my life will just emphasize that.

I'll make it through today, but sometime, idk when, I won't, this is as real to me as anything else in my life.

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