I feel it coming on, probably be over it in a month or so, but man, people just keep saying, "so change your life"  but I don't believe I can, I don't think I have any marketable skills or anything worth anything and I don't think I know what direction to go in.

I used to kinda feel lost, and okay with the journey, now I don't know anymore.

I know what I WANT to do, but I don't have any faith that it'll be worth it.

I go through cycles of depression every 2 or 3 years... I've done so for 20 years...
Some of us are just wired that way...
I've been in one for several months right now...

Try not to ruminate... don't allow your thoughts to become cyclic...
As soon as a hopeless thought comes into your mind... acknowledge it, then force yourself to think something else... Anything...
Do something to distract your thoughts... (clean the sink, cook, go pull some weeds, take a walk, etc)...


Don't be afraid of seeking professional medical help...

You aren't alone... many people go through this...

Peace,
Serow

things aren't any worse than they've ever been, actually things are a little better, I"m just comparing myself to some silly image of what I thought I'd be doing at this point in my life, I'm no where near that and I'm not "successful" by any real measure.

I know this will pass, but I'm kinda getting sick of the un-merrygo round I'm on

I should at least TRY to be what I want to be right? but failure would really really really hurt.

I'll be alright, I just want to be better

Nothing wrong with taking stock, fact I think its prudent.

Our mind is a very powerful instrument, and when we try to "trick" it, instead of listening to what it is trying to tell us, that is where funk roots.

I posted a while back about goggling "Why I need to be right". A whole host of titles/articles populate the screen.
Pick a few and read them, you might find a clue to your dumps.

I know I felt a two by four hit me in the head with a giant DUH, when I was confronted with reality of these stories and studies  

As a society we medicate too much instead of repairing.....

In a nutshell, ya wanna be right, or happy?

Each must decide.......

Serowbot wrote on 10/18/14 at 09:08:10:


And them you ride motorcycle buddy  

True story.

My youngest son just bought a brand new Mustang GT with 10 million horsepower  
I wanted to dissuade him from buying it out of MY fear ( of losing him to a car accident as he accepts the challenge of another street rodder).
In a passive/aggressive way, instead of sharing his joy and happiness of his reward for hard work and realizing his dream car at only 22 tears of age, I shared only concerns (mine).
As a good son he listened to me. He allowed me to uh, vent  
I was truthful finally, and said in a nutshell...... I am merely scared son  of losing you to a possibility....

He replied, "Dad, I understand fully what you are saying and I take it into consideration, but dad look, you choose to ride a motorcycle, we all that love you dearly, and accept you, for you, accepting that risk..."

Obviously he got his moms smarts  

Serowbot wrote on 10/18/14 at 10:56:07:



You are many things punkin, but grammar police ain't one of them  

I'm not sure what is worse, being poor your whole life or loosing whatever you have had the good fortune to accumulated.  

The only thing I know that is worse is when the doctor says, "sorry their is nothing we can do you."

My fiancee of 6 years just cheated on me.
I'll be 32 this year. I don't have another 6 years to meet someone and get to know them and consider starting a family. All the women on these dating sites already have 2 or 3 kids of their own (wonder why they're single now). That may be fine for them but I kind of wanted a child of my own. I'm not able to support a child yet. I can barely keep myself above water.
I'm not sure I can maintain my house on my own, now that she's gone.

It took me a little under a decade to complete my college learnin's. (although because everything was so fvcked I ended up with 2x 2 year degrees) which only means I can wipe my tushy with either hand. I'm not making what I think I'm worth and I just got hit with an 800 dollar bill for fuel oil. (Usually 2 fills in winter, one fill from April to October) It's going to be a cold winter.

That's deep, pga. I like that quote.

Probably going to sell one of my cars soon. (I have a 25 year old $500 winter crasher, a fun convertible, and the utility Jeep I just rebuilt the engine in.)

I'm not in the field I imagined. Not doing what I imagined. Although I'm excellent at what I do.
I don't know, I can't encourage you. The world is sh!t.