SuzukiSavage.com - HUMOR (jokes and such!)

justin_o_guy2 Serious Thumper Offline What happened? Posts: 55279 East Texas, 1/2 dallas/la.	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #855 - 08/26/18 at 21:01:03 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TxNrizGdhtY&feature=youtu.be YZASS flight attendant laying out the dos and don't stuff. She's funny.
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DieselBob

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Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!)
Reply #856 - 08/28/18 at 14:17:25

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And this one is a combination of the last two posted............

Bad weather prompted the cancellation of numerous Southwest flights resulting in a long line of customers trying to get re-scheduled onto other flights and airlines. One particularly entitled and wealthy young man muscled his way to the front of the line and demanded to be immediately booked onto the next flight.

The courteous and patient Southwest attendant responded "Sir, you'll need to get in line like everyone else." To which the over-blown narcissist replied "Do you have any idea who I am?" The Southwest attendant keyed the mike on the airport's public address system and announced "There's a man at the Southwest counter who doesn't know who he is. If anyone can identify him, please come to the Southwest counter."

The furious narcissist screamed "F*** you." To which the Southwest attendant responded "And you'll need to get in line like everyone else for that as well."
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Tocsik Serious Thumper Offline the singularity Posts: 1140 Denver, CO Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #857 - 08/29/18 at 18:09:24 I went to this zoo the other day and all they had in the whole place was one dog. It was a Shih Tzu.
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springman Serious Thumper Offline SuzukiSavage.com Rocks! Posts: 2188 Spring, Texas Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #858 - 08/30/18 at 07:34:24 Blame is on Tocsik. He started it. What do you get when you cross a shih tzu will a bull dog?
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justin_o_guy2 Serious Thumper Offline What happened? Posts: 55279 East Texas, 1/2 dallas/la.	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #859 - 08/31/18 at 04:30:04 Bullshit?
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justin_o_guy2

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Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!)
Reply #860 - 09/02/18 at 13:53:29

The Saturday Night Joke
Thought you'd enjoy this!

This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience.

It has an indisputable mathematical logic. It also made me Laugh Out Loud.

This is a strictly..mathematical viewpoint...

and it goes like this:

What Makes 100%?

What does it mean to give more than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 103%

What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

And

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But ,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T

2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G

1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there. It's the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.

Now you know why Politicians are where they are!

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The people never give up their liberties but under some delusion.- Edmund Burke.

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Dave YaBB Moderator ModSquad Offline SuzukiSavage.com Rocks! Posts: 17786 Camp Springs, Kentucky Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #861 - 09/02/18 at 16:54:22 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_moPL1LWaU
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justin_o_guy2 Serious Thumper Offline What happened? Posts: 55279 East Texas, 1/2 dallas/la.	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #862 - 09/02/18 at 17:14:04 Having a Baaaad day
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Armen Serious Thumper Offline Half-Witted Wrench-Jockey from Jersey Posts: 1431	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #863 - 09/02/18 at 17:38:40 I read that, back in the day, the Clinton Foundation had done a joint study with the Kennedy Institute to see if a woman in an evening gown and heels could outrun a guy with his pants around his ankles.
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Dave YaBB Moderator ModSquad Offline SuzukiSavage.com Rocks! Posts: 17786 Camp Springs, Kentucky Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #864 - 09/03/18 at 04:20:42 justin_o_guy2 wrote on 09/02/18 at 17:14:04: Having a Baaaad day Yep - That sheep either needs to go on a diet, or get a thinner wool coat!
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1st2know Senior Member Offline Currently between Savages Posts: 295 Seattle, WA Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #865 - 09/03/18 at 15:58:42 But it tastes better than Tide Pods
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justin_o_guy2 Serious Thumper Offline What happened? Posts: 55279 East Texas, 1/2 dallas/la.	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #866 - 09/08/18 at 11:45:59 I can't get the picture in here, but it's pretty good.. https://i2.wp.com/www.powerlineblog.com/ed-assets/2018/09/Pompei-Now.jpeg?res...
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springman Serious Thumper Offline SuzukiSavage.com Rocks! Posts: 2188 Spring, Texas Gender:	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #867 - 09/08/18 at 17:03:43 That was close JOG, but not complete. You call it a bull shih tzu.
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justin_o_guy2 Serious Thumper Offline What happened? Posts: 55279 East Texas, 1/2 dallas/la.	Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!) Reply #868 - 09/08/18 at 19:34:58 I hope I'm never bitten by one. What would I tell the doctor?
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justin_o_guy2

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Re: HUMOR (jokes and such!)
Reply #869 - 09/22/18 at 19:11:30

father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying:

"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, and God bless Grandma and goodbye Grandpa."

The father asked, "Why did you say goodbye Grandpa?"

The little girl said, "I don't know, Daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day grandpa died…!

The father thought it was a strange coincidence

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this:
“God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma"

The next day the grandmother died…

"Holy Moly," thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say:
"God bless Mommy and goodbye Daddy."

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.

He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.

He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day, he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.

Finally, midnight arrived, and he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said: "I've never seen you work so late; what's the matter?"

He said, "I don't want to talk about it; I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said: "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me this morning.... My golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson.

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The people never give up their liberties but under some delusion.- Edmund Burke.

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