Q - What do you call a smart blonde?



A - A Golden Retriever

Woman: Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes


Woman: How many beers a day?
Man: Usually about 3


Woman: How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5.00 which includes a tip


Woman: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: About 20 years, I suppose


Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 ?correct?
Man: Correct


Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man: Correct


Woman: Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink beer?


Woman: No
Man: Where's your Ferrari?

A police officer pulled over two nuns riding on a motorcycle, and said to the rider, 'Ma'am, you're driving much too slowly for the freeway, could you please drive faster?"

And the nun says, "Oh, I saw the sign with the "21" and assumed the speed limit was 21 mph"

The officer explains: "No ma'am, the speed limit is 70 mph. The highway number is Interstate 21."

Then the police officer looks at the passenger and sees the other nun shaking like a leaf.

"Excuse me sister, but what's wrong with your passenger?"

"Oh, that's probably because we just got off Highway 157"

arteacher wrote on 07/31/13 at 06:56:36:




I told this one today,, It got a chuckle..

then she slapped me,,

A man was stopped by a game warden recently with two ice chests full of live fish in water, leaving a river well known for its fishing.

The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

"Naw, my friend, I ain't got no license. These here are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?"

"Yep. Every night I take these fish down to the river and let 'em swim' round for a while. Then I whistle and they jump right back into this ice chest and I take 'em home."

"That's a bunch of BS! Fish can't do that!"

The man looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, It's the truth. I'll show you. It really works."

"Okay, I've GOT to see this!"

The man poured the fish into the river and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?"

"Well, what?" said the man.

"When are you going to call them back?"

"Call who back?"

"The FISH!"

"What fish?"

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"

The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. we're going at night!"

Its not a joke when its THAT true..

A NewFoundlander chatting with a young lady at a bar in Toronto. Finally the NewFoundlander says to the young lady, you remind me of the girls from home, do you have any Newfoundlander in you? The young lady replies no I don't I'm from B.C. The Newfoundlander paused and asked her would you like a little.