The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding the range when Tonto stops his trusty horse Scout, climbs down and puts his ear to the ground for a few seconds.
He then stands up and says to the Lone Ranger, "Hmmm buffalo come." The Lone Ranger asks, "Now how in the hell do you know that?"
Tonto responds, "Ear sticky."

http://www.youtube.com/embed/78RrsepkQKA?rel=0

Work "fails",, some pretty funny stuff in here,

Row, did ya spot the tree felled across the sidewalk w/ people walking down it? One gal had just cleared the impact zone when it came down,,
REally? No one stationed on the perimeter to stop people? Dude,, thats toying w/ LIVES!

I have a friend in Andrews Texas who does maintenance for the city/county.. Takes care of a few buildings. He was in a hurry, slapped a ladder up, didnt check it. He got up, bottom slid out, broke both arms,,
His poor wife! 6 weeks of feeding & bathing & butt wiping,, OHH Joy..

Bill and his wife Blanche go to the Yorkshire Show every year,
And every year Bill would say,
" Blanche, I'd like to ride in that there 'elicopter "
Blanche always replied,
" I know Bill, but that 'elicopter ride is twenty quid,
And twenty quid is twenty quid! "
One year Bill and Blanche went to the fair, and Bill said,
" Blanche, I'm 75 years old.
If I don't ride that there 'elicopter, I might never get another chance "
To this, Blanche replied,
" Bill that 'elicopter ride is twenty quid, and twenty quid is twenty quid "
The pilot overheard the couple and said,
" I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny!
But if you say one word it's twenty quid. "
Bill and Blanche agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvers, but not a word was heard.
He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,
But still not a word...
When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said,
" By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't..
I'm impressed! "
Bill replied,
" Well, to tell you t'truth
I almost said summat when Blanche fell out,
But tha' knows,
twenty quid is twenty quid! "

A Husband and wife, went to their cabin on a lake.
One morning the husband got up early, took the boat out and went fishing.

He came in, cleaned the fish, put the bait away, and went Golfing.
About noon, (It was Such a Nice day)
The wife, took the boat out, anchored by a sand bar, and relaxed, reading a book and enjoying the sun.

Up drives, (in a boat of course), the local Game Warden.
He actually has to awake her, as she was taking a nap.
He said: “Mamm, could I see your fishing license”.
She said: “I wasn’t fishing, in fact I was taking a nap, and you woke me up”.
He said: “Does not matter, you have all the equipment to go fishing,
   so I must give you a ticket”

She argued with him, to no avail.
After he wrote the ticket, she asked for his card, he gave her one.
Then she said: “Just so you know, I am charging you with RAPE”

He sputtered and stammered, and said:  “No Way, I never even left my boat”.

She said:  “Ah, but you have all the equipment to do so”.

In reference to a recent thread.
http://suzukisavage.com/cgi-bin/YaBB.pl?num=1404479941

Went to the County, Planning and Zoning dept.
With a design of a new, ’shed’ I wanted to construct.

It was 4 stories high, had a, tower, (Which I planned to put speakers on),
was going to paint it, purple, pink, yellow & green.
And at certain time, I was going to broadcast,
from the speakers, on the tower.

The County, Planing & Zoning,   LAUGHED, and said:   “No F’en Way”.

The next week, I went back, with the same plans,
and said:  Oh  did I forget to say it was a mosque.

 Construction, starts Next week