There was a farmer who had a horse and a goat.
One day, the horse became ill and he called the veterinarian, who said: Well, your horse has a virus. He must take this medicine for three days. I'll come back on the 3rd day and if he's not better, we're going to have to put him down.

Nearby, the goat listened closely to their conversation.

The next day, they gave him the medicine and left.

The goat approached the horse and said: Be strong, my friend. Get up or else they're going to put you to sleep!

On the second day, they gave him the medicine and left.

The goat came back and said: Come on buddy, get up or else you're going to die! Come on, I'll help you get up. Let's go! One, two, three...

On the third day, they came to give him the medicine and the vet said: Unfortunately, we're going to have to put him downtomorrow. Otherwise, the virus might spread and infect the other horses.

After they left, the goat approached the horse and said: Listen pal, it's now or never! Get up, come on! Have courage! Come on! Get up! Get up! That's it, slowly! Great! Come on, one, two, three... Good, good. Now faster, come on... Fantastic! Run, run more!

Yes! Yay! Yes! You did it, you're a champion!!!

All of a sudden, the owner came back, saw the horse running in the field and began shouting: It's a miracle! My horse is cured. We must have a grand party. Let's cook the goat!!!!

Lesson: Management never knows which employee actually deserves the praise.

prechermike wrote on 06/06/14 at 04:51:41:


it is funny because it is true.

Back in the hills there was a father and son. The son went on a field trip to New York City but when he returned he had a sack ful of money all in one dollar bills.

When his father saw the money he bent his son over his knee and was just about to give him a spanking. The son begged and pleaded as to why he was being punished.

"Well son you have obviously just robbed someone to get this much money."

"But Daddy, no I didn't I swear."

"Then how did you get it?"

"Well sir, just before we left, I filled a big bag with cuckaburrs and when we got to New York I sold them to those dumb city slickers for a dollar a piece as porcupine eggs."

Tall bars.......or the "MOTORCYCLE/HEMORRHOID' accessory.

Dave wrote on 06/10/14 at 09:50:33:



Really? I had no idea anyone was that stupid. Well,, not anyone who is smart enough to be able to ride a bike, OHH wait,, that thing is an automatic transmission, isnt it? He doesnt hafta be smart enough to learn how to work a clutch & shift gears,,
That CANT be legal, can it? Theres no way to maintain control in any event other than purely perfect circumstances,.
Is that photoshopped?

1.Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2.Law of Gravity
Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

3.Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4.Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.

5.Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

6.Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone
will ring.

7.Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

8.Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!

9.Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

10.Law of the Theater & Sports Arena
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

11.The Coffee Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

12.Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

13.Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

14.Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.

15. Law of Physical Appearance
If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

16.Law of Public Speaking
A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!

17.Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!

18.Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

Mother's Driver's License tells all:

A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

'Mummy', the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'

'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age', the mother replied. 'It's not polite'.

'OK', the little girl says, 'What colour was your hair 2 years ago?'



'Now really', the mother says, 'those are personal questions and are really none of your business'.

Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'

'That's enough questions, young lady! Honestly!'

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

'My Mum won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend.

'Well,' says the friend, 'all you need to do is look at her driver's license. It's like a report card, it has everything on it.'

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, 'I know how old you are. You are 32.'

The mother is surprised and asks, 'How did you find that out?'

'I also know that you used to have brown hair.'

The mother is past surprised and shocked now. 'How in Heaven's name did you find that out?'

'And,' the little girl says triumphantly, 'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'

'Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?'

'Because on your driving licence it says you got an F in sex.'

A Roman walks into a bar and holds up two fingers - so the bartender gave him five beers.