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Message started by DesertRat on 03/08/16 at 20:45:32

Title: Chinese directions
Post by DesertRat on 03/08/16 at 20:45:32

copy and paste from their site:

1.please clean the part;

2.tear off the paper in the behind;
3.heat up 30-60 Celsius degree use hair drier in winter;

4.stick the right part,it is ok!
5.Please don't clean and sun within 48 hours.

you can't make this sh!t up ...

Title: Re: Chinese directions
Post by Serowbot on 03/08/16 at 21:38:12

What's the product?...

Lem'me guess... some kind of kinky sex toy?.... :-?

Title: Re: Chinese directions
Post by DesertRat on 03/08/16 at 22:43:48

It was a repop retro winged flying nudie girl hood ornament

Title: Re: Chinese directions
Post by Dave on 03/09/16 at 03:27:33

I have a manual from a friends Chinese scooter. In the section where they warn you not to run the engine indoors (since you might lose consciousness)....it states:

"Warning: Don't shift engine on airtight space. The waste gas have co with many poisonotics that will make you lose your idea and almost make you die."

Title: Re: Chinese directions
Post by justin_o_guy2 on 03/09/16 at 06:15:43

Ran a warehouse. Sold PVC and stuff. Pipecutters are essential.
They operate by squeezing, starting a cut, release tension, it grabs a New gear, squeeze, rinse, repeat.
The popular Chinese models instructions r e ad
Hold the handle slowly.
Hey, they worked okay.
Some instructions are a hoot.

Title: Re: Chinese directions
Post by DesertRat on 03/09/16 at 06:22:02

these are too funny

Title: Re: Chinese directions
Post by Tocsik on 03/09/16 at 09:30:31

reminds of Engrish.com

Title: Re: Chinese directions
Post by Ed L. on 03/09/16 at 11:07:08

Turn right at the intersection where the big red barn burned down two years ago and then left at the Y where Mary Jane got married to Billy Joe.
Southern Fried Chinese directions. ;)

Title: Re: Chinese directions
Post by Kris01 on 03/09/16 at 17:20:59

I saw something years ago where someone had listed a bunch of directions that didn't translate well. For Christmas lights, For indoor or outdoor use only. For steak knives, Do not use in children. There were a lot of others. ;D

Title: Re: Chinese directions
Post by Dave on 03/10/16 at 05:04:02

Years ago I bought a small vice for a drill press. It has a jaw that clamps the piece, and it has handles and threaded rods to move the vice in two directions. I have kept the directions....as they are so funny. They claim the "original vise" is inferior....and that their "Patent Pending One" is far superior....as follows:

ORIGINAL VISE
Usually, the vice is fixed on sliding-piece with screws. Then, the movable jaw of the vice can be moved forward and backward. The disadvantages of this kind of fixation are:
1. If the screws were over-tighten, the motion of the movable jaw was difficult.
2. If the screws were too slack, tilt-over or unsteady-tighten will be occured when workpiece was fixed on the vice.

Due to defects described above, the workpiece would have not been kept very firmly and steadily. Therefore, in machining operation process, cutting tool might be broken, workpiece might be threw out and other unexpected risk could be happened.

PATENT PENDING ONE
Through delicated researchment and development for several years, we have developed a totally new model of vice to overcome the bottle-neck problems. "FIXATION WITH ZERO PROBLEM" (FZP) - Bypass the conventional sliding-piece type. FZP Vice uses the slide-bar type instead. FZP Vice have advantages as follows:
1) The axial sleeve and movable jaw are casted in one single piece.
2) Parallelism between the central bar and sliding surface is 0.05mm, so it can assure the parallelism and smooth.
3. Allowance between the axial sleeve and slide bar is 0.05mm.
4. The slide bar is held by the axial sleeve with O-shaped. In other words, in a 360 degree surface contact condition the possibility of deformation would be zero. Because of the impact pressure is applied to the whole circular surface around the slide bar.
5. The spherical contact surface between the slide bar with movable jaw will make sure the workpiece is fixed firmly and steadily with no tilt -over.
6. During in machining process, the workpiece was so tightly and firmly fixed that one will obtain a great deal of effects on its production lines.

I sure wish I could have "Fixations with Zero Problems"..... :o

Title: Re: Chinese directions
Post by Gus on 03/10/16 at 07:34:57

Don't even get me started on buying chinese. Lets just say I don't unless I can't find it used in decent shape.
I remember when the Japanese stuff started hitting our shores. It was junk too. But the Japanese cared. They wanted to sell good stuff and in the end their stuff is good.
Problem with the chinese is they just don't care or take little pride in their work. They just think us lazy Americans will spend our money anyway. Well I, for one, won't. If I have to to get what I need I will. But I have a real strict personal policy.

Title: Re: Chinese directions
Post by KennyG on 03/10/16 at 07:48:39

I can remember taking Jap tin toys apart after the 2nd World War and the inside surface was a printed American beer can......LOL

Kenny G

Title: Re: Chinese directions
Post by DesertRat on 03/10/16 at 08:47:44

Kenny,

this one was made from a bud can:

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Red-Wooden-Toy-Pistol-WWII-Era-made-with-tin-from-Budweiser-can-Japan-/201512403115?hash=item2eeb1340ab:g:DJ4AAOSwXshWp~dI

Title: Re: Chinese directions
Post by KennyG on 03/10/16 at 10:58:39

Rat,

That is what I meant....LOL

The Chinese will eventually catch up.....LOL

Kenny G

Title: Re: Chinese directions
Post by Art Webb on 03/10/16 at 21:05:37

The Chinese are fully capable of making very high quality stuff
The problem is the folks who hire the chinese manufacturers very seldom ask for quality goods
If you tell a chinese manufacturer 'make it as cheap as possible' they will
If you insist on decent or even superior quality they will do that, too
it's on you as a corporate entity to specify what you want
For example, CAP barbell has one of the crappiest barbells you can buy, but Ader, who insist on high quality, is a premier brand of kettlebells, despite chinese manufacturing, because they demand quality