|
SuzukiSavage.com
/cgi-bin/YaBB.pl General Category >> Politics, Religion (Tall Table) >> I have no friends... /cgi-bin/YaBB.pl?num=1426998718 Message started by Rylee on 03/21/15 at 21:31:57 |
|
Title: I have no friends... Post by Rylee on 03/21/15 at 21:31:57 I know the title may seem dismal but I'll give you the backstory. My "wife" and I are not actually married. We've kinda pushed it off for years now for one reason or another. Trying to settle on a date this year and we were going thru the usual questions. Who to invite, where to have it, honeymoon destination. And the best man subject came up. That got me thinking I've been in California 6 years now and I have yet to develop a "best man potential" friend. Hell I have yet to develop an "I'd invite over to the house" friend. I blamed it on work. I'm an executive chef and work 65+ hours a week. With that kind of schedule it's hard to make friends. I do t have much family and my brother and I haven't spoken in nearly 10 years. When my parents split so did the custody so that rules the easy best man route out. The more I thought about it the more I realized I don't have a best friend. The one who's got you covered no matter what. I never made time to make friends when I moved here. I met my wife to be, started a family and never looked back. Then i realized I'll be 40 this year. Pretty big birthday and who the hell would I invite to a function if I had one. Even typing now kinda bothers me. I've been so head down move forward with life I've basically alienated myself from friendships and been ok with that. It wasn't until I realized for a real wedding I need a best man and I cannot provide that. There's no best friend in my life. Kinda sad |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by thumperclone on 03/21/15 at 21:42:16 my wife is my only friend |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by justin_o_guy2 on 03/22/15 at 04:27:37 Society would have us believe we must have friends, or we are somehow faulty. Don't buy into that. Don't evaluate your life or measure your value based on what you've been taught. Everyone WANTS to be "normal" yet everyone wants to be exceptional... sounds like you're too busy being exceptional to have a normal life.. Friends are good to have, but only if you have time to do things with them. Finding a couple, where you get along with him And his wife and your wife likes both of them, well, snot easy. Been married 30 years,only happened twice. First thing, do you WANT to add to the number of people you have to deal with, consider the feelings of, and all the stuff Friendship entails? Or would you be happier selling fewer hours of labor? Are you happy? I'm not suggesting you answer,, the answers only matter to you. If you are interested in talking, pm me. |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by raydawg on 03/22/15 at 07:46:11 I will echo the sentiments of the other replies thus far...... A person who is well adjusted needs not another (person) to validate them. Being self supportive in all aspects of ones life is about as "successful" as one can be. Instead of looking at an "absents" in your life, perhaps you can look at yourself and see if you foster such independence as a defensive mechanism to a previous life issue, your parents divorce? If it bothers you now, is the reason just, or a temporary one based on a projected "normal" wedding scenario? If in fact you really like traveling through life without all cumbersome energy it can take to maintain friendships, then I suggest you explain it to your future wife, ask if a certificate would suffice and spend the money on a pregnant dog'n honeymoon like on Fiji in one of those huts out over the water ;D EDIT: BTW, I wanted to clarify that I am not suggesting that those with friends are wrong or somehow weaker, for needing/wanting them. We are all unique upon our own, that is what truly makes mankind different than all other creations. This is a "is what it is" thing ( did I just sound like Willie :o ) and one size does not fit all. And remember this tidbit too..... In establishments where food/drink is served, they have a counter with stools, as not everybody has a need for a booth or table ;D That is a fact and it should tell you something.... |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by RatdogWillie on 03/22/15 at 11:31:45 Your best friend is waiting for you at the local Humane Shelter As for a honeymoon. If i were living in California, I would honeymoon here: https://local.yahoo.com/details;_ylt=A0LEV0HrCQ9VD.YA4wFXNyoA;_ylu=X3oDMTEzcG01bW4yBGNvbG8DYmYxBHBvcwMxBHZ0aWQDU01FNzAzXzEEc2VjA3Nj?id=179193205&stx=hot+springs&csz=Apple+Valley+CA I have sort of honeymooned there several times in the past although there was no wedding involved. |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by Rylee on 03/22/15 at 11:57:42 Thanks for all the replies. I've never really been a social butterfly so not having a large group of friends never really bothered me. And to be honest my circle of friends for most of my life have been more of a purpose served than just a friend. They were buddies who welded, did electrical work, managed the bar and so on and so forth. When I moved to Cali I worked at filling the voids of life in my mid 30's. No serious relationship. No kids. Still chasing a career. In the process of doing all that I didn't leave time for friends. The only reason it even became an issue that needed addressed was the whole best man situation. But that brought on the what have I done wrong scenario, why don't I have any friends. |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by pgambr on 03/22/15 at 14:39:26 1A5842404944492B0 wrote:
Regarding this topic, I had a relative who used to say: "If you have one or two true friends during your entire life, your extremely fortunate." My understanding is you have one or two your doing a whole lot better than most people. You may come across some good folks, nice acquaintances, but you really won't have many genuine friends. Best regards, |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by Paraquat on 03/23/15 at 06:09:33 If you're asking, I'd be honored to be your best man. :D --Steve |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by MnSpring on 03/23/15 at 09:04:21 Quote:
You only, 'need', one, if, 'you', want one. All you need is a, 'witness'. That said, you do, have a, 'best friend', it is your wife/S.O/whatever. As said before, some do, some don't, have a, 'best friend'. No big deal. Some have, 'buddies', 'etc..'. Just relax. It may or may not happen. If it does, Great. If not, no problem. |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by justin_o_guy2 on 03/23/15 at 09:40:21 Who is giving the bride away? |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by atomikchicken on 03/23/15 at 09:53:05 Your bike should be your best man. |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by verslagen1 on 03/23/15 at 12:08:36 03201D3E3C2720294E0 wrote:
+1 your best friend, your confidant, your lover... what more do you need? It's a consequence of being involved for so long. BTW tell her as best man she's responsible for the bachelor party and you expect a lap dance or 2. ;D |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by mpescatori on 03/24/15 at 01:41:41 Hello Rylee, Maurizio here from Italy (yup, the really far-away one, 9 time zones due east from you ;) ) You say "But that brought on the what have I done wrong scenario, why don't I have any friends. " You have done nothing wrong, quite simply you have chosen your acquaintances so carefully, that to this day none of them are considered good enough to be in your own most intimate "inner circle". This does not mean you will never have any. Best friends drop out of the sky, in a "serendipity" kind of way, much like "love at first sight". MnSpring is quite correct when he points out you don't need a "best man" (lower case intentional) but a "witness", that's what the law says "you and the bride need reciprocal witnesses". "Best Man" and "Bridesmaids" are traditions, not legal requirements. So, if you two are in love, consider this: Go on a cruise and arrange to marry on the ship, by the Captain. Unless somebody screams "Bloody murder I wasn't invited!" at you, it could well be an interesting option. Then, you can have your wedding party upon your return. It is called... (drum roll, please) eloping. Century long tradition there - actually, look up the "Rape of the Sabine Women" (cit. Wikipedia) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rape_of_the_Sabine_Women "The Rape of the Sabine Women (Latin: Sabinae raptae) is an episode in the legendary history of Rome, traditionally dated to 750 BC,[1] in which the first generation of Roman men acquired wives for themselves from the neighboring Sabine families. The English word rape is a conventional translation of the Latin raptio, which in this context means "abduction" rather than its prevalent modern meaning in English language of sexual violation. " Actually, eloping can be quite romantic. "Some cultures today maintain symbolic bride kidnapping ritual as part of traditions surrounding a wedding, in a nod to the practice of bride kidnapping which may have figured in that culture's history. According to some sources, the honeymoon is a relic of marriage by capture, based on the practice of the husband going into hiding with his wife to avoid reprisals from her relatives, with the intention that the woman would be pregnant by the end of the month" :D :-* :-* :-* :D Now... about that Honeymoon... consider how much time you have available, and how moch money... ...with the €uro getting weaker on the US$ day by day, London, Paris and Rome could work out cheaper than Hawaii... ;) |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by justin_o_guy2 on 03/24/15 at 04:59:44 Cruise,, = wedding AND honeymoon.. Pesci nails it.. |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by mpescatori on 03/24/15 at 06:48:57 Of course... there's the alternative "Plan R" (Romantic Men always have an alternative !!!) Make sure you and your wife have valid passports, buy two Business or Economy Premium tickets to Venice and let her find out only when you walk her to the gate at the airport ! :-* http://images.trvl-media.com/hotels/1000000/90000/83600/83507/83507_25_b.jpg http://images.trvl-media.com/hotels/1000000/920000/916100/916032/916032_9_b.jpg These are actual hotel Facades, not just any old building... ;) LAX or SFO - Venice is a looong way away ... you will have to fly in two legs, with a short layover in places like Toronto, Paris or Frankfurt. Overnight flight and having to brave a 9-hr jet lag... BUT Nothing beats a honeymoon in Venice ! :-* Then, you can hire a car and drive your way down towards Roma, stopping by here and there. There are a few places I recommend: FLORENCE http://images.trvl-media.com/hotels/1000000/20000/17400/17378/17378_197_b.jpg SIENA and its environs http://images.trvl-media.com/hotels/5000000/4320000/4310600/4310509/4310509_118_b.jpghttp://www.balloonintuscany.com/images/597/Monteriggioni.jpg http://www.aboutsiena.com/siena/immagini-Siena/terre-di-siena/spada-nella-roccia-san-galgano.jpghttp://www.framelines.it/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/fotografo_matrimonio_san_galgano_004.jpg YES, KING ARTHUR'S SWORD IN THE STONE IS ACTUALLY ITALIAN... 8-) PERUGIA http://images.oyster.com/articles/8024-2014-06-castello-di-monterone.jpghttp://cdn0.matrimonio.com/emp/fotos/2/3/6/9/t25_DSC_8181.jpg Treat the Missus to a little Medieval Romanticism ? This really IS a four-star hotel ! I've enjoyed quite a few anniversaries here :-* ROME did I mention Rome ? ::) http://https://c2.staticflickr.com/2/1318/1443952187_c6a92ed5e3.jpg Need I say more ? 8-) |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by mpescatori on 03/25/15 at 05:25:46 Did I just kill this thread ? :P |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by justin_o_guy2 on 03/25/15 at 08:01:04 Is there REALLY a sword in a stone? As romantic as such a trip sounds, there are many things that would possibly upset someone about such a surprise. And do they have a passport, appropriate visas, a job that would allow such an absence, and, not just everyone, even we rich Americans, can afford a week at Motel 6, much less air fare and accommodations for such a romantic get away. A cruise, a wedding, not so speedy and the two won't feel alone. Pesci, your wife is a well blessed woman. A smart guy who has a big heart. |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by Rylee on 03/25/15 at 19:30:58 I do have 2 weeks paid vacation and because of my settlement from a recent motorcycle accident the funds to make a big trip happen. But 1 I couldn't be gone that long with my job. And 2 she's as simple as they come I dont think a European trip would suit her. Honestly we haven't reAlly put much effort into honeymoon planning. Between my job and kids we just wouldn't be able to be gone that long. My main goal was to give her that fairy tail wedding that most women want. Beyond that I haven't thought of much. Intending to do a elaborate wedding was what brought this whole "the grooms side will be empty" thing in to perspective. |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by thumperclone on 03/25/15 at 22:26:54 ask her what she wants I suggest a simple civil ceremony and a few days in the sierras honeymoons can follow later after 32 years we still go on honeymoons!! make the honeymoons the fairy tales |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by mpescatori on 03/26/15 at 02:53:22 5B444245585F6E5E6E56444803310 wrote:
Yes, Sir, there is. Italy is the place where many legends originated, then with the traveling Troubadours and all that some legends stuck here, others "made it, big time" elsewhere. Examples are a knight in shining armor known as "Ugo de Paganis", the Sword in the Stone you see, and, recent discovery, a Praeceptor (fancy name to say "provate teacher" as was common in the Middle Ages) whose recently found manuscripts are near identical copies of the tales of the Brothers Grimm, Hans Peter Andersen and Perrault... only centuries earlier... ...and with idiomatic expressions which were then translated word by word, creating the myth of child-eating ogres, the 7 Dwarves and glass slippers... Then there's Walt Disney who made many "one size fits all" fairy tales and put many legends into a single story (see his "Sword in the Stone" or "Robin Hood") Quote:
Point taken. My last paycheck, €5660 gross; what do I get ? €2860. The rest ? Sheriff of Nottingham. :P And yes, I do realize my fantasy tends to wonder and a simple "Pacific Princess Cruise" snowballs into a "Around the World in 80 Days"... ;) |
|
Title: San Galgano and his Sword in the Stone Post by mpescatori on 03/26/15 at 05:34:11 [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5UYg2kE7w9E[/media] Youtube clip that describes the Cistercensian Abbey burnt down by Napoleon, and from 3:00 the tiny chapel ("Rotonda" meaning "round") built by a Knight turned hermit monk in 1180. [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHvF0gURODU[/media] Bird's eye view of the area by paraglider, I recommend full screen mode |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by Paraquat on 03/26/15 at 06:04:18 My last paycheck was €637, net. Those crooks take a solid 1/3 of my pay, on the nose. Like, 637/2 = 318. Gross pay would be €955, with €318 going right to taxes. And they call ME the criminal. Anyway, I have a friend in Riverside, CA. I'm going to visit him some time this year. If we can make things jive I'll go to your wedding. --Steve |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by Pine on 03/26/15 at 08:17:56 I am back to the same small town I went to High School in. I have two freinds within anour of me. Yet we seldom see each other. I consider them good close friends. My best friend is my wife, followed by my kids, followed by my mother. For now that is enough. In an outer circle are all the folks at church. In a much further cirfle are my co-workers. yet still many are my friends. You have done nothing wrong, and not having someone you consider a close friend is not an issue. A fairy tale wedding could be a fancy hotel with limo, fine food (surely folks owe you in the industry). Let the kids in on it.. you might be surprised how they would want to support you two. |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by mpescatori on 03/27/15 at 01:17:54 In Europe, tradition is the bride is escorted by her family to church, where she is received by the groom and his family. That is where the father of the bride "gives the maiden away in marriage". After the cerimony there is a reception / dinner which is attended by the groom&bride, and only after the wedding cake do they "flee" ;) Sooo... if you are in good relations with someone in the food/catering industry, who knows someone in the limo business... ...a vintage Rolls Royce / Daimler limo might not be any more expensive than a fancy stretch limo... http://www.essexweddingcars.co.uk/gallery-1.5.10/albums/Daimler-Limousine-Ivory/DSCF0136.sized.jpg (pictured: left, Rolls Royce Silver Cloud; right, Daimler Limousine) (contrary to popular belief, HM the Queen of England does NOT use RR as "Crown Coach", but Daimler Limousines) In the US, I understand it is often customary for everything to take place at the nubile bride's home, so she simply walks out of her room, down the stairs and ... "Congratulations! I pronounce you Man & Wife!" so maybe you could enjoy a "driving honeymoon" on a fancy car... ::) I still prefer the cruise option... give it a go, splurge a bit, and pamper yourselves ;) |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by justin_o_guy2 on 03/27/15 at 06:16:23 Of all the suggestions I like the cruise idea best. They really are economical, no passport,visa, get married on board, not gonna be gone TOO long.. Heck,I'm not even the kinda guy who would cry if I NEVER got to do that, but it seems like a good answer for this whole situation. |
|
Title: Don't go there... don't even click the link ! Post by mpescatori on 04/02/15 at 08:01:27 http://www.buzzfeed.com/marietelling/39-reasons-why-italy-is-actually-the-worst#.eodon8vrXK |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by Paraquat on 04/02/15 at 11:02:46 What are the helmet laws like in Italy? --Steve |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by mpescatori on 04/14/15 at 00:20:40 Hi Paraquat, sorry for the late reply. The law is quite simple, really, YOU WEAR A HELMET! ;D There's no "Nanny State" talk this side of the ocean, though, it's quite simpler than that. You wear a helmet, you bang your head, you scratch the helmet, get up and walk away. http://www.ducati.ms/forums/attachments/apparel-accessory-chat/109557d1335464692-helmet-you-wear-helmet-1.jpg You DON'T wear a helmet, you bang your head, and all the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't put BRAINS together again. http://www.pattayadailynews.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/phot238.jpg (Note: nurse bandaging accident victim means victim is alive and will make it) Same reason why you wear shoes, really... ...nobody complaining about having to wear shoes... 8-) |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by Paraquat on 04/14/15 at 06:08:12 Here in Connecticut I am not required to wear a helmet. If I go into Mass or New York I have to wear a helmet. Pennsylvania is no helmet. Rhode Island is no helmet, but passengers must wear one. It varies by state, is a simpler way of putting it. Not by country. --Steve |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by Art Webb on 04/14/15 at 17:00:47 627F6A7C6C6E7B607D660F0 wrote:
Maybe because you don't have to, at least not here most stores want you to wear shoes to go in, yes, and you're not gonna work barefoot unless you're a lifegaurd, but you can otherwise go wherever you want here without shoes That's not the gov't requiring it, that your boss, or the store owner, which is fine, because it's his store / business I go shoe less quite a lot, in fact Interestingly, in some cultures wearing your shoes indoors is disrespectful and frowned upon As far as no 'nanny state' talk on your side of the pond, that's simple: here it's gov't of the people, by the people, for the people in europe, well, there's a reason there are British 'subjects' and American 'citizens' ;) |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by mpescatori on 04/16/15 at 05:46:28 You just forgot the United Kingdom is also Europe's 2nd oldest surviving democracy. You also left out the other 30something nations within Europe as a continent. (Note: "democracy" is a form of administration; "republic" is a form of government. San Marino, at 1100 years old, is the WORLD's oldest surviving Republic and democratic State; the United Kingdom, which is a Monarchy, boasts the Magna Charta, which is perhaps the oldest surviving form of written Constitution) |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by justin_o_guy2 on 04/16/15 at 11:49:14 I also have tools I haven't used in decades.. |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by Art Webb on 04/16/15 at 21:42:41 The UK is NOT a democracy, neither is the US. The only true democracy in history was Athens, where every single citizen voted on every single issue This ignores of course the fact that most of the people of Athens were not technically citizens, either the UK is a Constitutional Monarchy, as the US is a Constitutional Republic China calls itself a Republic, too, but the people in that country are most definitely subjects, not citizens, with no say over the laws their government imposes |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by mpescatori on 04/17/15 at 03:18:50 6D7E787B696E6E0C0 wrote:
I don't want to be pulled into semantics over rxactly which is which, (in Italy we use a funny expression, "don't ask me to play the pharmacist", i.e., weigh everything with a precision scale to the 10th of a milligram ;) ) In Athens, which was not Always a democrasy, only CITIZENS had the right to vote... OK... BUT... WHO WERE CITIZENS WITH THE RIGHT TO VOTE, IN ATHENS? ::) You had to be a MAN = male sex = who had served his time in the ARMY You had to be a FREE MAN = not a servant/slave to anybody else, = not a freed slave or a slave for debt who had worked his way to freedom, = not a man working under wages under anybody else (i.e. skilled labor) You had to be BORN OF A FREE WOMAN = not the child of a woman servant = not the child of a free woman born a foreigner You had to be born an ATHENIAN = not an immigrant, = not the son of an immigrant, = not the grandson of an immigrant, You had to be EDUCATED = your family was rich enough to pay for your home tuition BUT THE TUTOR... WAS HE A FREE MAN OR A WELL-LEARNED SERVANT/WORKER ? ::) So... let us assemble the Tiles of this puzzle: - MAN - 50% of the population, - BORN FREE - 50% of all male men, - ATHENIAN - 25% of all free men, - LIVE OF FAMILY WEALTH - 75 % of all Free Athenians GRAND TOTAL OF ATHENIANS HAVING THE RIGHT TO VOTE ? 5 % As for "Citizens", they were "ALL FREE Athenians", males, fit for battle. Women didn't count (unless you were Socrates' wife Xanthippes, in which you made history as a Cl.1A nagger :D) Slaves obviously didn't count, the Proletariat was essentially made of free slaves and traveling skilled labor Foreigners had no way of becoming "citizens", you needed to be a 3rd/4th generation resident to qualify. This criterium was also used by the Church in the Middle Ages to determine who was a "Good Christian": not a Converted Jew! Hence the typical expression "I am a 7th generation Roman" meaning "I am 100% purebred Roman from before anybody and anybody's grandfather can remember". When Athens needed money to pay for the war effort against the invading Persians, they borrowed from two rich bankers, neither of which was (nor had any hope of becoming) Athenian. |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by Art Webb on 04/17/15 at 07:54:15 That's why I added the qualifier about not nearly all Athenians being citizens ;) |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by justin_o_guy2 on 04/17/15 at 12:24:56 Pesci, Didn't take long to count the votes, did it? |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by Jeff71 on 04/17/15 at 20:07:11 No best friend other than my AWESOME wife! People don't believe me when I tell them I don't know how to text. They ask, "Then how do you contact all your friends?" I tell them I really don't have any; just my wife and our cat. I do have a few friends, but I don't do anything with anybody other than my wife. The kid next door saw that I have a bike, and, after telling me how hard it was to keep a tuck with a tank bag on his Kawa 600 at 130MPH, says we should go riding together. Uhh, no. Friends are very hard to come by and close friends are nearly impossible. Jeff |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by justin_o_guy2 on 04/17/15 at 23:30:41 Seriously? The kids your Neighbor,,,go ride with him. Simply explain before you leave that you will ride at speeds you're comfortable with and .not anymore. Show him what sanity is. Maybe you can help him live longer. |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by raydawg on 04/18/15 at 07:41:33 Not sure if this helps or not, but I will share my perspective, and all are free to decide accordingly. When the settlers were coming west in America, they would try and cross the Rockies early, to avoid being caught for the winter in them. On the east slope the Platt River was running high with spring runoff. She was appeared wide and impassable at times. However, if one looked closely without assuming she was deep too, it was discovered that she was a mile wide, but only an inch deep...... So, do more friends mean you have "deep" relationships, and does it mean you are a mighty river of a successful life? |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by Jeff71 on 04/18/15 at 09:37:42 Justin, It's not that I don't want to go riding, he's just one to not make the greatest decisions. I say kid because I'm 2x his age (I'm 44 today!) and he is kind of a wild cannon. Jeff |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by Kris01 on 04/18/15 at 13:51:05 Typical 20-something. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! |
|
Title: Re: I have no friends... Post by Jeff71 on 04/18/15 at 14:11:46 Thanks! :D Jeff |
|
SuzukiSavage.com » Powered by YaBB 2.2! YaBB © 2000-2007. All Rights Reserved. |